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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Breaking off emotional affair

1 reply

hoolahop80 · 01/10/2019 19:58

I have not posted before. I am married, I thought happily but recently got too close to a single man. We started as friends at work but exchanged numbers in January. I have since left that job so don't see him any more. We today agreed to delete each other's numbers as messages were becoming increasingly inappropriate. That's it now, I have no way of getting back in contact with him.

We clicked straight away, he was funny and interesting. I became thrilled by his attention. I was very stupid and felt annoyed a couple of months ago when he told me he had feelings for me, even though I am married (despite me feeling the same). There was a lot of flirting, him paying me compliments, asking me to wear certain clothes if he was seeing me etc. Also some long and in-depth conversations about shared interests, the like of which I've never had with my husband. It made me feel alive - and less ground down by day to day life, which can be mundane at times. On my part, I can see he has been a pleasant distraction.

I thought I would feel upset at the prospect of losing his friendship, but all I feel is relief. I was so close to the edge of screwing everything up for me, my husband and my children if whatever this 'thing' was had developed further.

What I am worried about is this happening again. I would have said I was happy...but why did I succumb so easily to this attention? I love my husband but there must be something missing; has anyone come out of anything similar? We are so busy in our lives with young children (4 and 8)...can you lose sight of each other along the way, or is it the beginning of the end?

OP posts:
Crazycatperson · 01/10/2019 20:08

I think it's easy to get carried away when we get compliments and attention from others who are not our partners. Life can feel like ground hog day sometimes, so if there's someone who lifts your spirit it makes the routine less boring. I'm glad you have deleted his number as it sounds like you've got a lot to lose. It's really not worth ripping your family apart for a quick fling. I'm thinking of one of my friends when I say this. She left her family when she got carried away with someone who showed her attention. She realised the mistake she'd made and her husband took her back. They're still working through it. Her son took a long time to forgive her. There's probably nothing missing from your marriage. It's just familiar. It's not new. It's not exciting. You need to put that back and revive it so you're not tempted to cheat in the future. Have a date night, even if it's once a month. Get drunk, be silly, do something wild! Remember why you wanted to be with him in the first place, whilst imagining how you would feel if he was tempted away by someone he was working with!

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