Should me and DC move out or hang on in there?

[TheNextMrsElba]

To cut a very long story short, I have been with H for 10 years, 2 dc from previous marriage, 2 DC with H. Very rocky relationship from the start, we have different views on discipline for DC. H is very negative and finds it hard to praise anyone. I have already felt like he picks on DS1 (11) who is not his biological child, he can’t do right for doing wrong. He is very critical and angers quickly. My elder 2 DC hate him, dread coming home if he is here. Even his own DS (6) tells me he hates daddy sometimes as H has no patience with him and doesn’t listen to him. He shouts a lot and will never apologise even when he knows he is in the wrong, he won’t admit it.

I have left H on several occasions over the years but always end up going back or taking him back. I left him at the start of the year, moved out into a rented house with DC and loved it initially. H talked me in to trying couples counselling which was great, the counsellor really seemed to get it and he started making an effort. We moved back home a couple of months ago and things have quickly reverted back.

We jointly own our house. I don’t want to stay here long term as he is the type to make my life hell. Is it worth hanging on until court orders go through or should I just cut my losses and leave for good?

The general gist of the advice I often read on here is that you should try to stay in the marital home if at all possible.

I actually left the family home with my DC as my Ex made it perfectly clear that he wouldn't be going anywhere and he is the sort of arsehole who would have made living in the same home during our separation absolutely miserable and unbearable.

Do you have anywhere you could go? Do you have enough funds to support yourself and your children whilst the financial are sorted out? Bear in mind the process can take a long time and if you do decide to move out he can (and probably will) drag his feet.

I moved out at the start of the year because he refused to go. He was making all of our lives miserable. Shouting, swearing, intimidation all when the dc were around or in ear shot. He would bring them into arguments, he has started doing it again. For example I didn’t go along with an extreme punishment he imposed on ds1 so he said he will do what the fuck he wants from now on and won’t listen to me as I did not listen to him. dS2 asked to eat a bag of crisps as I was cooking dinner, I said no, H told him to eat them.

I don’t have anywhere to go. I massively regret giving up my rental. I spent the deposit on new flooring for our house last month so I have no money to rent something else. I feel trapped .

Everyone is miserable