Age differences in relationships

[coldwahter]

So whats the general consensus on age differences in relationships? I have recently found myself in an interesting predicament [huge understatement emoticon]... I am 30, and am teetering on the edge of what could be a serious relationship with a 51 year old. Half of me is freaking out about the numbers. The other half of me doesn't see the age in him, as he is just fabulous. We laugh alot, share similar interests, and other people have commented on how perfect we are for each other. So, I wonder if I am a sad old bag who is older than her years, or is he just a typical bloke who has yet to actually grow up??!! There's a definite chemistry. Nothing has happened yet, beyond spending time together through circumstances this summer. Yet I feel potential, I think he does too, and mutual friends and family have all raised their eyebrows and my mum even made comments along the lines of "dum dum de dum". I mean, we really are scarily perfect together. He's the opposite to what I have always sought out. And he appeared in my life less than six months ago. I just don't know whether to go with my heart or my head on this one...

Does age really matter??? What if he is The One??? God, I am so confused. I need Mumsnet Wisdom, by the bucketful please

I think it's hard to have an opinion on age difference if you've never been there. I personally could never imagine falling in love with someone who is nearly the same age as my dad, but maybe that's just because I never have.

For me there would be other considerations though - what do you know about him and his life? He is 50 and presumably single, has he been married/in serious relationship before? and if not then I would wonder why sorry. Also he doesn't have children - why could that be? If children is a big issue for you, then I would suttly try to find out what his take is on these things before pursuing anything further, because at 50 there's probably a chance he wouldn't want to go into having children so late in life..

I once had a long term relationship with someone 13 years older- I was 21 at the time.

Age didn't matter at all. However, maybe you need to look forward abit as at 50, he'd be 70- there is a big difference in people's health and behaviour at those ages rather than when you are in your 30s, 40s and 50s. You also have to accept that, sadly, you'll prob be left a young widow.....

More to the point- do you both want the same things in life- a family (has he got one already?) and so on.

Good luck with it.

I've just been re-reading your posts.

Try not to get too involved too soon. This sounds like a flirtation-and nothing more at the moment. Think of it from his side- it must be great to have someone 20 yrs younger falling for you- and yes, it will show!

I think you are in danger of jumping the gun- nothing has happened other than you both fancy each other. it might not move on from there- and you need to find out a lot more about him before you start worrying about the age gap.

wannaBe - that is exactly the point that was relevant in my marriage. ex h goes after younger women, tries to control them totally, and divorces when it fails. He has a pattern of such behaviour, that I have seen repeated since with other women.

On the other hand, I know a man in his late 40s now, who is very marriageable