Marriage ended, husband leaving.... Sahm

[Greenmum2019]

..... How do you survive?!!!

Emotions aside... How do you do the financial stuff.

Am I classes as a single parent now? Can I apply for benefits? Does he need to keep paying the joint mortgage and bills if he has moved out.

I'm also a carer to our disabled son....

Am a bit confused and lost of what to do first

Apply for benefits
Find a job

Are you classed as single parent? If he isn't involved yes but if he is isn't it shared parenting? Yes def look into benefits. Mortagge, home rights, bills are things you may need legal advice on. Are both of youy named as owners or one of you. He could insist on selling the house. If you go to court you may get the right to live there unitl your son is 18?

Oh yes so easy to just get a job when you’re a carer to your disabled son

Has he moved out OP? What has he suggested in terms of childcare and money?

Sorry to hear this has happened and it must be worrying right now. Emotions will also be high and things will get said. But most people come out the other end, financially a bit worse off but having found a degree of independence and a sense of relief.

Practical things need to be address but not all at once. If you can make an appointment with the CAB to see what you are entitled to. There are lots of ways to make things work for you and your family.

You can apply for benefits as a single parent, even if he remains in the house for some time. But you will need to be financially separated throughout the period you claim for and be able to demonstrate this.

The mortgage lender will expect you both to keep on paying if you are both on the mortgage. It is course in both your interests not to default. Good sense needs to prevail and probably will. My advice is don’t unnecessarily aggravate each other to make stupid decisions or to climb up ladders.

The best thing to do is to agree that the well-being and security of your children is paramount. Then agree what that means. Ideally it will be for them to stay in the home for time being with bills being paid and food put on the table. But equally it would be best if they are not witnessing a strained relationship between you both. So one of you moves out and that will typically be him as you are the primary career. But this needs to be affordable for your finances. For most families it is a bit of stretch but if you can claim benefits then it might make it workable. Work it through together if you can. Recognise that you both may need to sacrifice some things.

He is in the process of looking. As he works very long hours I will most likely have them most of the time. Not that he won't want to help.

I am set up freelance but as my poorly son has been in and out of hospital I havn't been able to earn for 4 months. Even then it was 3 days per month.

I think he will.be happy to contribute if and how he can with money but he will need to pay for alternative living arrangements. Our one salary doesn't cut it.

When my son is a bit stronger and maybe can go to nursery I will most definitely get work going. I love to work... It keeps me sane and have never stopped working during 3 pregnancies or had mat leave as I work at home with my babies in tow!

I'm just anxious I guess and it's where do we start with it all 😔

If it's amicable then hopefully you can sort out finances jointly rather than mediation or court however legal advice is worthwhile.

What do you know about finances? His salary, p60s, pension, any savings, house value & mortgage.

Make a budget of house hold costs and see what benefits you would be entitled to.
In addition he will pay at a minimum CMS, calculator available online but you may be entitled to more. Reality is children come first and they need to be looked after. Both of you will be poorer but women are mostly worse off longterm so make sure you prioritise the children, which means you need to he adequately housed.

Housing is first priority and the biggest cost so that has to be resolved.

@Techway

Thanks. Good advice. We both joint own the house. I out the deposit down from my parents which he has said I can have back if we sell it. All bills go out of my account in my maiden name not a joint account.

I know his salary and his NI number and deets from a childcare application form we filled in recently.

So I guess I need to Work out what he needs to give me to keep the house running as it is now. For consistency for the kids. So hopefully a bit of benefit support will help with this too. We can sell the house when my son's health is more stable.

Shit... It just doesn't feel real. It's like being in a film.

Why is he leaving?

We have both been u happy for a while. We've tried all year to make it work and something is missing. Mostly. on his part. He withraws so much as he is struggling with his mental health and we can't find a happy rhythm together. We've had a few traumatic years with things happen and it's impacted massively on our relationship. We can't seem to get the love and connection back. It's so sad.

It will be easier if it's amicable.

Strictly speaking your deposit is a joint asset but depends on length of marriage.
Does he have a pension which will offset equity?

It does seem sad especially if there isn't an ow as sometimes the slump in marriage can come back.

Normally I would say get a consent order if he is being reasonable but if you think there is a genuine chance of reconciliation then is it worth holding off?
Do you have any reason to suspect his head has been turned?