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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Tales of work relationships gone bad please

17 replies

couldve22 · 01/10/2019 14:26

I'm single and have had a huge secret crush on a work colleague / friend for about a year. However, the timing for me to make a move was never right. For the whole year we have either been working closely together on a project, or working in offices at different ends of the country for weeks on end. And when we were both in the same place I was very wary about dating someone I have to work closely with, and kept imagining the wrath of our boss if it all went wrong.

2 months ago he starts dating someone. I was a bit gutted but clung on to the hope that it wouldn't work on. However, now he seems very loved up.

To help me get over the regret of never telling him that I liked him, please can I hear some stories of dating work colleagues where things have gone horribly wrong. I'm clinging to the idea that it was sensible not to tell him.

OP posts:

MikeUniformMike · 01/10/2019 14:36

All the quirky things that you found so endearing will annoy the hell out of you after you split, but you will still have to work with them.

TheOliphantintheRoom · 01/10/2019 14:38

Warning: a similar thread to this ended up in the Mail Online last week.

Marylou2 · 01/10/2019 14:52

Get drunk and tell him you love him. That's what I did. Married for almost 20 years now but still remember my heart skipping a beat when I saw him across the office. I guess this isn't what you wanted to hear really. Or you could find a new job.

Original poster

couldve22 · 01/10/2019 14:59

Please, no stories of 'well it all worked out for us'. I want stories of 'we broke up and he turned into a psycho who deleted all my sales figures for the last 6 months' etc.

OP posts:

nibdedibble · 01/10/2019 15:02

Not me but two colleagues generated a LOT of unresolved sexual tension for a while, and then came in one day completely unable to look at each other, maximum physical avoidance and one-word answers.

Turned out there had been shagging and it had been tragic.

namechange4052 · 01/10/2019 15:04

I snogged a colleague on a night out once. He made a load of noise about wanting a relationship and then inexplicably snogged another (married) colleague a couple of weeks later. We all had to sit in the same room in the same building for another year. Awkward as fuck.

donethinkin · 01/10/2019 15:05

I went there and ended up leaving a great job that I loved because of it. He then shagged somebody else behind my back. So I lost the boy and the job. Find somebody outside of work!

Pinkbonbon · 01/10/2019 15:08

Might not be what you want exactly but, a different angle.

I started dating a man who worked in law firm once. He was kind and handsome and smart and just an all round decent human and because he was such a catch I ignored the fact that it felt to me - like we should just be friends.

Anyway, one day I noticed a post on his fb from a girl who worked at his firm. It wasn't flirty exactly, just friendly. But something about it told me that she liked him. And I just felt that she...seemed right for him somehow. Like she was meant for him. I never mentioned her as I didn't want to come across as jealous gf. And tbh, it didn't even bother me much...I guess because, well she probably liked him more than I did if they worked together a long time. A 'Maybe I'm the interloper here' kinda feeling lol.

But a few months later we amicably split. And a year down the line - I saw they were dating. And I felt...happy for her. For him too. But mostly for her because I think she probably liked him for a long time and he just had no clue xD

They are married now. Good on them.

Now I'm NOT saying post on his fb xD lol but I am saying, maybe if he is right for you then it'll happen. Somewhere down the line. You never know.

Maybe concentrate on other aspects of your life for now. Humans live a very long time after all, who knows what the future may bring.

MojitoMojitoo · 01/10/2019 15:12

Im a receptionist and I have 5 different companies in my building and I have seen sooooo many relationships start off and blossom and be so lovely and then it turns to utter crap when it all goes to pot and you can see/feel just how awkward it can be!

If it all goes wrong the last thing you want it to be hurting but having to carry on like normal and see/work with the person who you are hurt about. 100% not worth it!

Original poster

couldve22 · 01/10/2019 15:24

pinkbonbon I love your post, not because it gives me hope that I will ever get together with colleague, but because it reminds me that life is indeed hopefully long and whilst this hurts a bit now, at some point in the future it will all be a distant memory.

Other posters, also thank you for the stories of things gone wrong, they help.

OP posts:

Zaphodsotherhead · 01/10/2019 15:33

So - how many times did he ask you out, whilst you were working so closely together?

If it's 'none' then maybe he just didn't fancy you?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/10/2019 15:38

Oh I dated co-worked who turned out be a control-freak-psycho-twat.

He got sacked, demanded that I quit otherwise I wasn't 'supporting' him, so I ended up losing a job I really liked and working somewhere I hated. What a twit! (Me, not him, but I was young at the time).

It took me 4 years to see the light and leave him. Biggest waste of 4 years ever. I vowed there and then NEVER to date anyone from work again.

Hope it helps with your dilemma!

HairdressertoBoris · 01/10/2019 15:39

Finally got with a co-worker despite resistance from me. Was amazing for a few months but colleagues weren't happy. Then he turned into an utter wanker and we split up. He was vile to me at work and other colleagues took his side and eventually he started seeing someone else that had started as my assistant. I had to leave, he wouldn't. It was an unbearable situation and I had to leave the best job I have ever had. Still upsets me to this day.

FavouriteSong · 01/10/2019 15:57

Not me, but my friend dated a man we both worked with. He was a bit older than her, 50, she was 34, they had been flirting for ages, and for a few months everything was fantastic. Lots of weekends away and nights out and in. Then they moved in together and it all went pear-shaped. He was apparently a massive control freak, couldn't abide any kind of clutter, she wasn't allowed to put her clothes out ready for the next day, in the evening, amongst lots of other things. She ended up going back to live with her parents, and went off sick with the stress of it all. He carried on working, but after a month or so, left for a new position with another firm. She then came back to work, and now has a new bloke, one she met through OLD and not through chatting at the coffee machine.

CallMeOnMyCell · 01/10/2019 16:17

I dated a guy I worked with for a year and then he broke up with me and started seeing someone else at work shortly after. It was very painful to see them together. My best friend currently works with her DP and she says it’s hard seeing him at work and then at home and she gets fed up with him! They also travel into work together. Neither of them can find a new job that pays as well so they are stuck.
I’ve seen so many office relationships go bad over the years, the fall out can leave colleagues in an awkward position and it’s just not worth it!

EhhWellINever · 01/10/2019 17:33

Not me but colleagues A, S and C.

A was deputy manager of a small team. S joined team and a few months later A and S we're in a secretive relationship. Mainly through S's (insistence he didn't even tell his parents). They we're together for a year and a bit. A has a friend (C) who is doing her masters and needed some placement hours. A hires C and C is temp with the team for a few months. S and C have obvious chemistry (it was disgusting to watch at work). A not being a jealous type (or oblivious idk) isn't bothered by this carries on with S. C applies for FT, permanent job with the team as was graduating. Gets the job (A and S did her interview). A is C and S's manager at this point. A lets C move in with her after she struggles to find a flatshare after university.

Alongside this S is promoted twice (not A's decision, over her head). Second promotion see's S promoted out of our team and into a very senior position. This flirtation between C and S goes on for several months.

C and S have to go on a work trip (with other colleagues in the company, but none from our team). C and S obviously sleep together during this time. A finds out a few weeks later and breaks up with S. A has extended period of time off work under 'family problems'. It was a proper mess very awkward at work with S being so senior now. Turns out loads of people in the department who we're on the trip new what had happened, and despite some people knowing about their relationship at that point, no one told her. It was awful, there was obviously such a tense atmosphere in the office.

A ended up being moved out of our department (then there we're loads of redundancies because of the corruption going higher up) so both A and S we're made redundant. However there we're some situations that flared up in the between time and (if the place I worked wasn't so shite and basically did what they want without following any HR processes) it would have been a lot worse!

AMAM8916 · 01/10/2019 17:38

I think you need to hang on to the fact that he also never told you he had feelings, when he could have, then found someone to date.

He perhaps never felt the same about you.

But I know how you feel and that feeling is regret. The what if? What if he was just too shy or waiting for you to make the move? The thing is, it's probably harder for a man to seek out a woman at work as it can often be taken the wrong way so he may have been waiting for you to make the move.

I've totally contradicted myself there I know!

So I will say think of something disgusting like he farts really bad in the morning and cling on to that or imagine he's the type that wouldn't help with housework or take you on nice dates!

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