Please tell me things get easier

[MisterOnion]

Me and ex DP have two young children (2 under 2). I made a huge mistake not too long ago and had sex with someone else whilst very drunk (I don't remember much about the night at all). I told him straight away. Relationship hasn't been great for a while, but no excuses, I am a terrible person for doing it and I fully accept that.

I am really struggling. He hasn't seen the children and all he is doing is hurling abuse over text/phone. I don't ever retaliate, I just accept that he is reacting to what I have done. As soon as I ask him if he would like to see the DC, he ignores me. I send him pictures of them, but doesn't say anything.

He has been going off the rails ever since I told him. Punched holes in our bedroom wall and wardrobe, not attended work, drinking morning to night, attacking his family, nearly being arrested.

I am just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or can just give me a word of advice about what next/single parenthood/etc.

(For the record, cheating and drinking excessively is not me at all. I've never cheated on my partner)

Was he your Ex Partner when you slept with the other person, or has since become your ex? Unclear.

Why did you tell him you'd slept with someone else if he was your ex? Or did you cheat and then you broke up? Regardless, your exes behaviour is totally unacceptable, punching holes in walls and ignoring his children is not ok in any circumstance.

Oh apologies. He was my partner at the time.

Sounds like he's completely incapable of processing the negative and hurt feelings he is experiencing and needs professional help in doing so. Keep your distance from him.

Also, you did cheat on your partner so you can't say you are not the type of person to cheat, that's exactly what you've done.

MisterOnion you did cheat.
While he has every right to be cross the violence is a massive red flag.
I think you would be better off just acknowledging it is over, as I don't think you have a road back.

Hurt people hurt people. He's hurting, he wants you to hurt, he doesn't want to feel hurt and shouldn't have been put in the position to be hurt by the person who's meant to love him.

There's nothing you can do regarding ex.Let time take it's course. As mistakes go, it's one of the worst but you've come clean, recognise it's severity and are prepared to take some consequences.

What you can do is look after yourself. It's early days but you will feel better. Head down now and focus on what you need to do practically. Don't beat yourself up for the rest of your life. Mistakes are there to be learned from.

Have some because I don't think you'll get many.

He's not a statistic or a probability, he's a human being with very complex emotions. There is no way anyone can tell you what he will do in the future, if he could possibly go back to you or even if he will ever want to be a part of his children's lives again.

It is up to him how he deals with this situation, if he can even deal with it, I've seen people kill themselves over things like this but equally some people get past it very quickly and can see it for what it was (A stupid mistake).

Unfortunately you've made your bed, you now have to lay in it. For your children's sake I really hope that he can resolve this hatred and hurt that he is currently experiencing.

What you've done many won't forgive but you do need to forgive yourself and to learn from it. If alcohol is a problem for you (and it is if it means you are behaving like this when you claim you wouldn't normally) then you need to tackle that, be kind to yourself and hope for the best.