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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Urgent advice please

6 replies

gymbunny2012 · 30/09/2019 12:43

I am posting for a friend.

DFriend and his wife separated around 4 months ago. It has recently come to light (from his DC) that she is seeing someone else. This new boyfriend is already spending time with the 3 young DCs (sleeping round their house at night and also spending time with them during the day). My friend knows this because the eldest DC told his dad that he was uncomfortable with this man sleeping at their house. DCs are 3, 6 and 8.

This man has a restraining order against him from his ex wife and DCs (we don't know why) and also lives in his car.

Friends ex won't speak to him, and doesn't see anything wrong with this new man sleeping at her house and spending time with her kids. This is obviously a very worrying situation. Ex is extremely naive and not very worldly wise at all.

What can he do?

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 30/09/2019 12:55

God this sounds awful. I would have thought that if the DC are at risk of harm from this man, a call to social services would be the first thing to do.
Sadly you can't control what an ex partners does, even if you don't like it. However, if it is something that could cause harm to the children, that is another matter entirely.
Hopefully someone else will come along with more practical advice.

Windydaysuponus · 30/09/2019 12:57

Ss need to know.
Most definitely..

Original poster
gymbunny2012 · 30/09/2019 13:09

What would SS likely do?

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/09/2019 13:10

I ask how you're certain about the restraining order, or that he's sleeping in the car (as opposed to being occasionally spotted in it), but if DF's really worried it might be best to call SS / make a Clares Law application anyway

If there's nothing really wrong nothing will come of it, and if there is at least he'll have covered all bases ... but if it's the first option and DF's ex learns about the referral, be prepared for her to go ballistic

Original poster
gymbunny2012 · 30/09/2019 13:16

Would friend be able to make a Clares Law application himself? She wouldn't do it as everything is fine as far as she's concerned.

OP posts:
Brakebackcyclebot · 30/09/2019 13:17

Some options:
Go and get urgent legal advice re what he can actually do in this situation. See someone who specialises in childrens issues.

Call social services and raise concern.
Email ex-wife and raise his concerns, and that DC are uncomfortable.

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