First date ever

[Jane1978xx]

So to cut a long story short I’m separated from my husband of 10 years and it’s amicable In terms of kids etc and we are defo getting divorced.

After a few drinks the other week I joined Bumble as a bit of a laugh to have a flirt etc. Anyway this guy pops up who it turns out lives close by and has a lot in common, kids same age etc etc. We’ve been messaging a lot , not during worktime and days with kids. Like morning, after work and night. Now he wants to meet and I want to and agreed but I am petrified! Firstly I look worse than I’ve ever done in my life 😂. Also I’ve never been on a date as such with my ex husband and men before it’s been like friends of friends or when I was younger people from local pub I’ve got to know. He suggested going for an early evening drink which is fine as I am meeting friends later that day. I don’t even know how this works 😂 meet in the pub or outside 🤷🏼‍♀️. How do you know when it’s time to go. Maybe I’m stressing too much. Anyone else been in this situation ? Also he lives near me but I don’t want to go local as people are gossips and I haven’t been living apart from my ex a huge amount of time although it’s been over a long time. Can I say that or will it sound like I’m embarrassed or have something to hide !

First date I’d go for a coffee. Maybe have two if it’s going well. Have you spoke on the phone yet?

Take control. Just say looking forward to meeting uou, will meet you outside the pub at x time. Or if you're not a punctual person say see you inside, what ever you prefer. A drink in the early evening is fine. I'd personally prefer it to coffee.

As for how you look, buy a nice top, get your hair done, something to give you confidence.

For an early evening drink it's casual, so a nice top, jeans and boots.

We’d say coffee but can only meet in an evening and there’s no coffee type places near us open at night. So said a drink but in a local/ country pub so it’s just casual . No not spoke on the phone, not really had chance as both work full time and have pre-teen age kids about at night. I might suggest that to discuss the meet up I am sure we can find sometime we are free

I think a phone call really helps. I went on a date with a guy I had just been messaging and I soon as I met him I knew he wasn’t for me. I’d definitely have got that from a phone call. Plus it might make you feel less worried

Maybe tomorrow or wed I can suggest we speak Thursday on the plans 😬. I feel like I’m going to an interview

@sunnydays78 so it wasn’t a physical thing then it was something in his manner ?

I hate the whole dating thing. After I split with my husband it was way easier to just pick someone up and boot them out before the sun came up. Ppossibly not for everyone.

The forced interaction with anyone was hugely off putting to me. I think I went on 4 dates. Total. The best one being early evening drinks at a local pub, both aware i was meeting friends later.

He just happened to tag along too. Lol.

Good luck. You'll never know if you don't try!

I hate talking on the phone so I don't do phone calls, but I agree that sometimes as soon as you speak to someone or meet them, you know you're not interested any longer--it's hard to explain.

Just be yourself, you sound lovely, and check out the dating thread on here--the rules listed at the top are very useful. I am in about the same position as you and am slowly developing the thicker skin required for using bumble or any other dating app. It's a bit of a downer when you have spent time building a rapport with someone online and then meet and one or the other of you thinks "Oh dear god no," but that seems to be the way it works these days, ugh.

If you have something else to go to after the drink, that's perfect, it gives you a natural cutoff point. You can always invent something like that if you want to keep the initial meeting short and sweet!

@MMadness it’s not really a just sex thing , I know there are bars I could go to and walk out with someone and I’ve also had an offer from a Male (single) friend 😂 who I wouldn’t date but I would ;-). My husband payed me little attention and the kids are older now so I want some genuine attention. But I’ll see how it goes.

@DDIJ I will do ! I’m ok with new people and men generally I used to have a job going to different work sites and I’d socialise with people I didn’t know but this is scary 😬

@CousinKrispy have you met anyone in person yet ? There’s a gang of people from work out that night and there’s no set time to join so I have that as a time to go. I can stay longer or say someone’s asking me to go now 😂.

That sounds like a useful out, just leave when you feel like it! Yes, I have met a few people in person. While I've found the overall experience disappointing so far, none of them have been actually creepy or unpleasant, and it's probably been worthwhile on the whole to get out there and meet people and practice doing this. Enjoy!

Yes it’s worth it for the practise 😬 so scary thou

Sooo I got stood up 😂. Well 30 mins before we were meeting he messages to say he can’t come. So I don’t reply and I’m
In a strop 😂. Turns out his ex has ditched kids on him so he can’t and we are going out tomorrow instead 🙄.