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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why has my partner stopped showering? :(

19 replies

AliceWonderland88 · 30/09/2019 12:21

He has always been quite a clean person and I loved that he would always make an effort for me and I always commented on how manly he smells/looks. However, lately he seems to be on a showering ban and I honestly can't remember the last time he washed. I asked him about it once and said I was concerned. He responded with "sorry, I just forgot". I don't understand how anyone could forget to shower and I feel like the more I mention it the worse he gets. He now doesn't brush his teeth so I am on a kissing ban. I don't want to have to remind a grown man to clean himself but I can't understand what has changed. If anyone has any advice it would be REALLY appreciated :(

OP posts:

weewinnie · 30/09/2019 12:23

I stopped showering when I was depressed

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/09/2019 12:23

How is his mental health? This behaviour can be part of depression.

Bananalanacake · 30/09/2019 12:24

they might notice at his work and have a word with him. is there someone you can ask to have a talk to him. like his family.

Original poster

AliceWonderland88 · 30/09/2019 12:27

It could be down to depression and I mentioned this to him but he just shrugs it off and changes the subject or blames that he is forgetful. He can't forget because he sees me showering everyday...

OP posts:

Original poster

AliceWonderland88 · 30/09/2019 12:28

His family are not English so it would be hard to bring up this topic to them as there is a little language barrier there

OP posts:

ErickBroch · 30/09/2019 12:32

It sounds like it could be depression

LL83 · 30/09/2019 12:36

I agree you cant forget every day, I would be worried about him.

Jane1978xx · 30/09/2019 12:37

Instead of mentioning words like depression maybe ask if he’s been tired or stressed and that’s Making him out of routine. Maybe if he can admit to that (it’s still maybe depression) he would see a doctor.

Itsmostlygristlecath · 30/09/2019 12:41

Depression. What else is going on or has been going on before all this?

Glosstwit · 30/09/2019 12:42

He's depressed.

donethinkin · 30/09/2019 12:45

How old is he? This is worrying behaviour. Not nice to be around somebody who stinks and his breath must stink. I went through this with my DH and it has affected our intimacy. He wouldn’t wash his hands after going to the loo. Vile. I ended up deep cleaning the bathroom and disinfecting the toilet every day just so I knew that he was touching hygienic surfaces as that was the only way I could guarantee some sort of hygiene/cleanliness. It’s grim.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 30/09/2019 12:55

YesI I stopped all self care during a bout of depression. It was horrible.

Millie2016 · 30/09/2019 13:11

Are there any other behaviour changes aside from the hygiene?

Span1elsRock · 30/09/2019 13:22

I think you need to be honest. Tell him how unattractive it is, you're worried about him, that it can't go on and he needs to see his GP if it doesn't change.

My DH is 55, and to be honest, since turning 50 I've had to quite regularly ask him if he's had a shower. He would happily have a bath/shower once a week and only does so more often because he's not allowed to get away with it. He does however wash his face/clean his teeth twice a day in between. He will wear clothes for 2/3 days if they are not forcibly flung in the laundry basket too............. however he's not depressed, he's just incredibly lazy these days

VenusTiger · 30/09/2019 13:45

Seen it first hand OP... staying in, no appetite, no showers, no daylight, plenty of excuses etc...

Go for a long walk, he needs exercise to release hormones, and lots of omega oils... fish, avocados.... and then, GP.

Mermaidsinthesand · 30/09/2019 13:46

Just be straight with him, tell him he needs to shower and brush his teeth or he isnt welcome in the bed

That's disgusting no excuse for being dirty can say depression all you like but why should everyone else suffer

Consufed456 · 30/09/2019 15:09

Is this a new relationship?
I have known a man who went all out to make himself as clean as possible at the beginning of a relationship only to months later do the same, forgetting to shower or bothering to brush teeth etc.
In his case the cleanliness was an act, the not caring about being clean was his normal and once the relationship was a few months in he thought he could get away with it!

Original poster

AliceWonderland88 · 30/09/2019 15:30

We’ve been together for a year now and yes we are beginning to get more comfortable with each other. But I still shower and take care of myself and shave my legs etc and I’ve always made a point that hygiene is a game changer for me. It feels like he’s doing it to spite me I’ll be honest. If it really is depression I have already encouraged him to get help. I don’t know what else I can say. I told him he stinks a couple times and he just says sorry.... doesn’t get in the shower mind.

OP posts:

litterbird · 30/09/2019 16:30

So sorry, a close friend of mine has a husband like this. He has depression but refuses to take his medication. My friend has to keep nagging him to bathe, change his clothes and eat. It also could be his real persona coming out as you have been together for a short time.

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