DH (11years, 3 DD) and I are in a bad place emotionally with each other. He said he can see no point in living anymore (he takes anti depressants, has done for years and sees a doctor regularly but will not go to any type of therapy, believe me, I’ve tried to get more help).
He said today that I'm the one who keeps pushing him over the edge. We were having a disagreement at the time, he really lost it, broke his clothes and head butted the window. I can’t even recall what we had disagreed about now. He's also said I'm vile and pathetic a fair bit recently.
When the children were in bed and we were calm I asked if he'd said it in the heat of the moment and he said no, it's me who has made him not want to live. I can't cope with having made a stranger feel bad never mind my husband. What have I done! I’ve taken on the lions share of the housework, diy, kids because he is often at the pub or tired but it’s made him feel useless. If I ask for help he will get pissy that I’m nagging. He says he doesn't want to separate but everything I say he takes in the worst way. I'm on eggshells. I really can't think of what to do but I'm so worried about the children being frightened when he reacts unpleasantly at times.
He has in the past been great when I had severe PND so I feel I have to keep trying and accommodate this illness but what if I’m making it worse. My mum and MIL know he’s having a hard time and say I must stay and support him but they’ve not seen how bad it can be. He pays for everything, we are mortgage free together but he’s paid that off whist I had the kids so he says it’s his house and I should go, should it come to that knowing that I can’t as I have no money.