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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Advice would be much appreciated :)

15 replies

Sarah7890 · 29/09/2019 20:51

This could possibly be getting to me more because I am a mum and would love any excuse for a night out but then on the other hand I am upset about the situation and would like to know how others would react/feel.

Me and my partner have been together for 10 years and I get on so well with his family. His mum is like a second mum to me and she is very close to her sister who is my partners auntie so when there are any family gatherings we all attend.

Usually when there is anything to do with the ladies e.g partners male cousin getting married to his wife his female cousin, me, mum and auntie all go to the hen do and have a great time together.

Partners auntie is just turning 70 and we are having a family party at his cousins house tomorrow which has been organised for a while. We have bought lovely presents for her and I was looking forward to this.

Woke up this morning to see on facebook that all the ladies have been out last night to a tabled event with meal and party after and it’s really upset me that I was not invited. Partners mum was there, auntie, female cousin, male cousins wife. What upset me the most is male cousins wife took her mum and sister who never comes to these events then some random school friend of female cousin was there.

I feel now like I do not want to go to the party tomorrow it has made me feel slightly awkward in the situation and it has hurt my feeling. I feel stupid saying that I’m nearly 40 but I think due to the closeness of the family I am very surprised. Just to add as well partners cousin and partners cousins wife are the same age roughly as me and we have always clicked so there are no big age differences apart from auntie and partners mum.

Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

Thank you

OP posts:

Ihavehadenoughalready · 30/09/2019 03:25

It's not clear what event it was that you were not invited to. There is still a party tomorrow, right?

I'm assuming there's not two parties on two consecutive days for the same event? Why would it be the same exact group of people two outings in a row? Are you sure you know what the event actually was? Is it possible someone who does not know you hosted the tabled party?

My stance would be life's too short to get upset, go to the party you've been invited to, and have a great time!

rosedream · 30/09/2019 06:30

Oh I can see why that upset you.

Was it to celebrate the birthday or was it for another celebration? Perhaps connected to more distant family to you.

Can you ask your MIL? It just seems odd that if you were that close that they would intentionally leave you out.

Please ask so it doesn't hurt when may be there's a good explanation.

similarminimer · 30/09/2019 08:56

Hold on. The birthday aunt's daughter in law organised something with her mother, sister, mother-in law, and mother-in-law's sister. And you are upset that as her mother-in-law's sister's daughter-in-law you didn't get an invite? I think that is going a bit far

Lozzerbmc · 30/09/2019 09:01

I can see why you would feel upset not to have been invited but perhaps it was for another occasion you were not aware of. I’d just forget about it and move on and enjoy the real party

Bluntness100 · 30/09/2019 09:03

I think you need to clarify what the event they went to was in aid of.

mummmy2017 · 30/09/2019 09:08

Don't over think it.
Just go along.

Mintlegs · 30/09/2019 09:08

Don’t react, quietly seethe! I would be hurt too! It was probably awful and you may have had a lucky escape!

Original poster

Sarah7890 · 30/09/2019 12:38

Hi everyone sorry if I was not clear enough. It was a tabled event at the Marriott hotel next to where we live and there was a 5 course meal and a disco afterwards. It was all for the 70th birthday party. Nice to see a mix of feelings as I was not sure if I was over reacting or not. I did go to the party in the end up i felt awkward. I think OH has mentioned it as he was upset for me as his mum was there and every female attached to the family apart from me.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 30/09/2019 12:40

That's a bit odd. Did maybe someone organise it as a gift for her? Was there maybe concern you'd not be able to afford it?

Bluntness100 · 30/09/2019 12:42

Did the cousins organise it as a gift? Maybe a dual gift if the other parents were there?

Original poster

Sarah7890 · 30/09/2019 12:44

Haha bluntness I like your bluntness no that would never have been an issue especially for such an occasion and I have a good job so I’m 100% sure it’s not the case. It was mentioned this morning at the tea party aswell so it’s no secret which has upset me a bit more as they have not tried to mask it. Maybe they just haven’t thought I guess.

OP posts:

SellmeyourMLMcrap · 30/09/2019 12:54

Could this be due to the fact that you are not married into the family?

That's the only reason I can think of other than that they just don't like you very much but usually you would know if you weren't popular.

Original poster

Sarah7890 · 30/09/2019 13:07

We are not married but we have children together and have been engaged a long time so I don’t see why that should make a difference. Maybe I’m clutching at straws but I can’t help to feel like it was intentional considering we are all family and his mother is grandmother to my children

OP posts:

ErickBroch · 30/09/2019 18:42

I understand why you are upset, 100%. However, after re-reading a few times it seems like it was more the Aunts side of the family who went, not your partners side other than his mum. The Aunt, her sister, her daughter, her daughter in law, DILs family etc.

I get it's not nice and I would feel the same, but when I got my head around that it did make more sense. There very well may have been limited seating/specific table numbers and to invite you it would've thrown it all out of whack.

Original poster

Sarah7890 · 01/10/2019 00:28

Thanks ErickBroch I think you have hit the nail on the head and that’s exactly how I feel. It’s kind of created an us and them feeling with me that I’ve never had before and I know it sounds petty and usually things like this don’t get to me but for such an occasion I don’t see a way past feeling like this. Since OH only really has his parents on his side I was really the only other female to consider so they have rattled me as far as I’m concerned. Rant over thank you all for your help.

OP posts:

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