Should I stay or walk away?

[Supercool]

I have been with my DP for five years, I have a DD from a previous marriage, DP has no children and has never been married. We bought a house together a couple of years ago, joint mortgage, all bills split 50:50.

I love him to bits, and would love for us to get married. Up until a year or ago, he said we would. Now he is saying that it doesn’t feel ‘right’ (the relationship) to get married. I thought our relationship was going really well, we get along brilliantly, lots of things in common and we’ve created a lovely home together. But, his change of mind has left me feeling insecure, lost, resentful and trapped (and so much more). We’re not young, I am early forties, he is late forties. I had hoped our (elderly) parents would see us get married, that hope and dream has been shattered. I should add that neither of us want a big wedding - a simple registry office ceremony and a meal afterwards. Possibly a gathering of friends at a later date.

He tells me he loves me, can’t imagine his life without me and my DD. But it’s seemingly not enough. I’ve talked about drawing up mirror wills and putting lasting power of attorney in place to at least give us each some financial protection. He seems more keen on this idea, but isn’t proactively looking into this and I think unless I force this issue it won’t happen, and that doesn’t feel right either.

I love him so much, would be honoured to become his wife, take his surname, but right now I feel like I am just not good enough. Am trying to put on a brave face, maintain a happy home for my DD but it’s tearing me up inside, I can’t stop thinking about it all.

I don’t think he’s being the slightest bit malicious, but he has always been the more dominant one in our relationship. That’s never bothered me until now, but now I resent him for making such a big decision about our future, one that impacts us both, he hasn’t discussed it with me, but is referring to scenarios from months and months ago that made him unhappy (but didn’t say anything at the time!!) and I feel as though he is just stringing me along and looking for excuses. Has anyone else been in this position? Do you have any advice? Should I stay, or should I walk away?

What are the scenarios is referring to?

Apparently he doesn’t feel I trust him... all because a year ago he went for a job interview, a job he really wanted and he was on notice of redundancy, that same night he went out on a work do and was tagged in FB photos that weren’t closed profile photos, the world could see if they searched for those people tagged, they were of him with people half his age (some younger), making questionable hand gestures etc... the job he had been interviewed for was one where he would be working with young people... it was never about trust but all about how this stuff is perceived by potential employers and I felt he had put his credibility in jeopardy (I wouldn’t have employed him for that role if I had seen this). In his head it was about trust but I am supercool with that kind of stuff, I rarely call him/message him during the day, never check his phone (I don’t know the passcode), I never go through his belongings, I feel his accusation is without foundation 😔