Bf liking photos on fb/insta...

[Worriedgirl888]

Firstly I’m aware I’m going to get roasted for this and no doubt sounding about 12.
My boyfriend and I are both 33, been together 3 months. Possibly sound like a massive stalker but genuinely I did just out of curiosity see which 4 people liked a photo on himself on Instagram, he doesn’t post much etc. One was a very attractive blonde girl.. looked at her profile and he’s liked pretty much every single photo of her mostly posing looking stunning on nights out etc for the past few months - maybe ten photos. And of course like a stalker I found her on his Facebook friends list and again he’s liked almost all her beautiful photos on there. No sign of a boyfriend or anything. He’s got a lot of friends on Facebook and I know he comments / likes a lot of our mutual friends who are all men, so it’s not like it’s just her. However I can’t help feeling if he saw I consistently liked an attractive single mans photos, even the same photo twice on both Facebook/ Instagram he wouldn’t be happy.
Please without totally ripping into me which I probably deserve am I being unreasonable to mention it. She’s definitely not a close friend hes mentioned or anything. Sorry I’m advance I’m embarrassed posting this🙈

I'm also finding the people saying this is how abuse starts to be absolutely mental. I'm definitely not abusive in anyway I'm actually on good terms with my exes because I'm actually a very reasonable person.

I'm 23 and none of my friends would be happy with the situation the op is in. I've been there and like I said if they want to continue liking other girls photos they are welcome to. As they will be single. That is all.

I don’t think it’s stalking to look at publicly available information on your exclusive partner’s social media. It’s weird that all of this info is freely available and yet you’re supposed to pretend you’ve never looked at it or be branded a ‘stalker’. It makes a mockery tbh of how serious stalking is.

OP, going against the grain a bit here but in your shoes I’d talk to him about it. Admit you were curious and looked at what you did and ask whether you should be concerned in any way about his relationship with this girl. I know even three months into something new if a partner was feeling insecure or concerned I’d be happy to hear them out and let them know the score/reassure them. I may or may not change my behaviour accordingly, but I wouldn’t think badly of them for bringing it up. It’s a good sign in a new relationship if someone has a concern and can bring it up and it be talked about supportively and like adults.

Most people feel some insecurity or jealousy, especially in new relationships, those who don’t can find it hard to believe and portray it as being abusive or controlling but it’s a very common experience.

He didn't like OP 'liking' a celeb, and got stroppy because she hadn't changed a photo. Double standards and controlling.

Can I be honest Op - as someone who struggled with jealousy over the years and had both good and bad relationships (so feel I've been round the block a bit!) - I find your update about his own comments quite worrying - I'd say they are a 'red flag'

Often it is a projection when people don't like others behaviour (ie. he is worried about your presentation of yourself online etc because he 'knows' he is a flirt online etc etc))

He is trying to control you online - the thing about the whatsapp photo I would find really tedious and drama filled - he is a grown man, who cares what your whatsapp photo is. Especially after 3 months.

Deep inside, you need to ask if you trust him or not. The liking other photos etc is part of a picture of his personality isn't it?

to be honest if he doesnt know her well and likes all her photos then that would put me off him - surely that's pretty creepy? Unless he is just quite a manic constant facebook user. which would probably also put me off!

I do agree with another poster about talking openly. If you don't feel you can be honest and say you worry about some of his facebook friendships - then the relationship doesn't have much future.

Just be honest and say you are embarrased to say it but you are a bit insecure about his facebook friendships - if he reacts calmly and reassures you then you can take that on board -if he reacts with drama and argument then the two of you don't have a great dynamic.

To be honest, I wouldn’t like this either OP. I’m certainly not controlling but I think it’s a bit disrespectful to a relationship to be publicly saying you ‘like’ the way another woman looks, when it’s purely a selfie and nothing else. I wouldn’t expect him to send her a message saying he thought she looked good either, and it’s the same sentiment imo. Especially the same woman time and again.
I wouldn’t like men’s selfies either 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think the saddest thing is that he’s on Facebook 😂 I could never respect a man with a social media account.

I wish the term "stalking" for look at public information online would just go away. I suppose it's "stalking" to read the same news site online every day!

Also the sexist gendered, calling women "crazy" and "bunny boilers" needs to go away. It really a vile disgusting thing to say about women and it is used to dismiss, ridicule, and silence any negative emotion a woman has.

OP 3 months is still very new. You don't have to stick with him, if you find things he does you don't like. Know you values and boundaries. Either something is acceptable to you, or it isn't.

WiltshireLass I agree about men regarding Social Media, it’s embarrassing, grown men having Facebook and IG is a bit

I hope you know that it's not ok for him to have a go at you for not changing your WhatsApp photo and commenting on celebrities. That's controlling behaviour. I think you need to figure out whether he is making you feel insecure or its something within yourself. I'd say the liking pics problem is just a symptom of a bigger issue xxxx

You're allowed to have whatever boundaries you like. For me, I wouldn't date a man who liked photos of women on social media that he didn't know.

But I wouldn't try and change him, if just dump him.

Let's get one thing clear though. If a person posts publicly available photos and then another person comments on them and you see that, even if you've gone looking for it, that's no more stalker ish than me reading Jack Monroes blog or looking at Alan Sugars twitter account.

As a person who's been through the courts with a real stalker who broke into my house and went through my bins I find the comparison offensive.

I agree with Jennifer when I found out my partner was doing this I gave him the choice. He can carry on his messaging, or he can be in a relationship with me.

I find it incredibly unattractive and pathetic frankly that a 52 year old grandfather (my partner) would be messaging women old enough to be his daughter telling them they look hot.

I can’t imagine a 52 year old using the word ‘hot’!! He sounds like lots of men over 40 in the way that they get delusional about young women fancying them!! Why else would you tell someone they were hot unless you didn’t want them to reciprocate?!

Genuine question: how can you see what someone specific has liked on
I follow hundreds of people, the only way I know how to do it is to trawl through the feed for hours until you spot something!

It's just your curiosity. Not abuse.

I don't use it but social media is open to everyone looking & having a nosey & we're well aware people are going to look if it's not private. People click on profiles all the time even when they're not that bothered about the person. You don't have you justify yourself, you feel a bit weird about doing it because of your relationship with him. Insta clearly gives you a list of what people have liked that doesn't require any digging.

It's probably got you thinking more into it if you do really like him, that can also make you perceive the girl is more attractive than you'd normally think.

I wouldn't be terribly comfortable with it. People often use this to show their interest or sometimes it's just an obligation friends have with each other. If you can think of the most tactful way to bring it up without accusing then you should. Give it some thought.

Inappropriate I know it's bloody pathetic. My partner has two daughters in their late 20s one of whom is always posting bikini shots of her arse out. I asked him if he'd like blokes in their 50s sending her messages telling her she was hot

It was the private messaging that really boiled my blood though, gives me reasons not to trust and that's not the sort of relationship I want. This was about a year ago and asaik he's not done anything like it since. It would be over for me & he knows it.

boredboredboredboredbored (god your really bored aren’t you?!😮lol) what did your partner say when you asked how he’d feel if men too old for his daughter sent her private messages telling her she looked hot?!