Stay married or not?

[SadAboutNotEnjoyingMarriage]

NC here for obvious reason

We have been married for 15 years. We adore our kids. The oldest is 11.

But if I am being truthful, I have never been 'truly, madly, deeply' in love with my husband. It shows in my aversion to getting intimate with him.

But he is wonderful man and great father. He hasn't said a spiteful thing to me once ever.

Hence we are managing to tick along throughout the years. He is like a best friend whom I do respect a lot.

I struggle with us not enjoying same things together. Not having shared vision of future. He thinks it is because life gets hectic with kids and me losing temper puts distance between us.

I say we are not bringing best out from each other. We aren't having fun. Just stagnating together. He agreed. Mr Dutiful said even if marriage isn't great he has lots other things to keep him content - family, job, friends, interests. He doesn't want kids flipping between two homes. He still feels hopeful about us.

Even if he won't initiate separation and if I do, there are still many things that do stop me from it.

For start, I am disabled and while it is best not to say never, it is tricky for me to be gainfully employed full-time and bring good income. I don't think I can be a good single mum in London.
I do like comfortable lifestyle my husband provides for myself and our children. I know it sounds awful.
There is no guarantee we will be happier when separate than together. We are not exactly making each other miserable, so why rock the boat for worse, especially for our children?

Have you been in similar situation? Grown apart but the person is too good to leave?

Couple therapy ? He sounds like he’s worth all ur attempts to work through this

I've had a couple of relationships where financially/ materially I've wanted for nothing, but it's not been right all the same.

It's different for different people but for me I am unable to remain with someone, regardless of the perks, it feels wrong and my conscience gets the best of me.

Your situation sounds like you could settle, but also that you're depriving yourself of a chance of actual happiness and love.

Whatever you choose to do, I hope it works out.

Why don't you put your all into making it work, bettering yourself and your marriage together? The grass is greener where you water it and all that

If you are going to separate, you are going to have to move to another home. A big reason, perhaps the main reason, why you want to separate seems to be so you can find a more passionate relationship with another man. That's not going to work if you're still sharing a home with your current husband.

I think life for you with him is better than it would be without him but that conclusion is one you have to reach by yourself. The grass is always greener on the other side but what you have now is worth building on.

You sound bored. Is it possible that is reflected onto your marriage at the moment. The truth is that marriages do have up and down periods.
Think carefully before you throw away what you have and upset the children. Your disability may also be a cause of frustration which causes the tempers mentioned.

I’m not married so I don’t know but I’ve heard that when you marry you sacrifice something in the relationship, it’s a bit like ‘can you really have it all’ in regards to a career and kids, well isn’t marriage a bit like that, as in you can’t have all the best qualities in one person so you have to give up on something?!

I’m not married, what do I know, but having a long term partner and living with them is as good as being married.