Bored and lonely.

[Onesmallstep67]

Just to put things into context I was fairly happily married for 15 years until my husband passed away from cancer almost 6 years ago. Since his death I have been fairly active in trying to find another significant other. I have had 2 relationships, the last finished ( ish ) about 6 months ago. We were together in total almost 3 years but had a couple of breaks during that time. I could never quite accept his fairly forthright opinions on my DDs who could be a little difficult but nothing terrible. They were 11/16 when I met him. Now 14/19. We split up in March, tried to be FWB but my heart wasn't in it. Decided we should have no contact for a month ( September) now he seems to be moving on and I can't get my head around it. I've begun Facebook stalking him, trying to put 2+2 together etc. Why am I bothered ? I have accumulated a few guys myself from internet dating, none of whom are right for me. But I seem to be craving attention and genuinely would love to meet someone new but waiting for the right one is making me feel bored and lonely. Like it may never happen. Any thoughts ? Do I ditch all the current batch of guys and start completely afresh ? Do I try to put 100% into my ex ( who does have many good points) knowing that we have struggled at times in the last 3 years and my DDs are not terribly fond of him ? Thank you in advance of any thoughts. This has been making me genuinely quite sad in the last week or so. I am pretty isolated, very little close family, no job and limited friends. X

Could you get to some groups or this hobby meet ups for friends instead of different men until you feel a bit less lonely?

Don’t put anything into the ex, you need to move forward not back.

I do know how you feel. I have had one real relationship since dh and that ended with him being abusive towards me and my dd1, since then I have been in so many dates, dated people for a few months but then not felt it, I am now 3 months into a new relationship and I still feel lonely at times due to not being able to see him that often and me not always feeling it. I have given up with OLD as I was just using it as something to fill my time and just kept meeting the wrong people. I’m a strong believer that the right person will come along, probably when your not expecting it. Get yourself out and about more, find a hobbie, local group or get a dog (dogs attract people on conversation). Don’t feel you need to settle with just anyone, it is ok to be on your own and there’s a lot of positives to being single.

I don't think men are the answer to your problem - it sounds like you'd be better putting your energies into creating more of a social network for yourself. That way, dating is a nice extra and if it doesn't work out, so what.

category12 is right. Don't look to men as an answer to your problems. Find ways to socialise as a single. Lots of happily single women here, being in a couple isn't the be all and end all.

Leave your ex as an ex.

Thank you for your thoughts. I do know that making new contacts and maybe in time them becoming friends is the best way forward. And I can see that I have definitely been guilty of trying to fill the gaps in my life with OLD. Sadly, but clearly, if my ex had been the right person he wouldn't be an ex and we wouldn't be having this conversation.