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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sex

35 replies

Brightfuture2019 · 28/09/2019 21:31

He comes home drunk or intoxicated with whatever and asks for sex after waking me up at god knows what time. If I say no then I get shouted at, accused of cheating or the silent treatment. Is it ok to say no ? And it's more of a demand rather than an ask

OP posts:
AmIThough · 30/09/2019 10:53

What's he like when he's sober?

If you have a good relationship normally, make it very clear to him, when he's sober, that you are not and never will be interested in having sex with him when he's drunk.

If he can't control himself, he needs to sleep on the sofa/spare room/hotel.
If he gets into your bed again and doesn't respect you saying no, tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you will leave.

If he's a prick in general, he's not worth your time.

Jamjarmama · 30/09/2019 11:02

Leave him now. It is always ok to say no. You should never feel scared in your own home of your own partner. It also sounds like he has an alcohol issue so there will be no change

Original poster
Brightfuture2019 · 30/09/2019 12:46

Sober - There are days when he is ok. He still has a vile mouth sometimes. Lazy, doesnt give me money towards the household or our child. I literally have to do every single thing apart from wipe his bottom. You name it and i do it !! Wastes what little money he does have (chooses when he works). Thinks i am cheating on him. Lots of other things.
We have been together a long time, i have only ever lived with him. I think i am that used to his behaviour that it is just normal for me and i cant even seem to get mad, i just dont think i care anymore. I dont know how to get the courage to leave, i dont want to be the bad person that breaks up our family. I am not happy at all and dream of a better life, i just need something to push me.

OP posts:
Rachelover60 · 30/09/2019 12:51

You could suggest he sleeps in a different room when he comes home drunk, or you go in with your child. That's for starters. However he sounds such an ignorant brute it would be a good idea for you to make plans to leave or kick him out.

I can't being to imagine being woken up by a drunken man asking for sex, who then loses it if I say no.

Horrible man.

EllenRipley · 30/09/2019 13:32

I think you know this is no way to live. His behaviour is vile and abusive, and it's never too late to get out. You'll get lots of support here if you decide this is your turning point. It won't necessarily be easy but there's a better life for you out there, OP. And you deserve it x

Jamjarmama · 30/09/2019 13:42

As the child of an alcoholic who treated my Mum terribly, I can tell you you are not breaking up the family home, you would be starting a new fresh happier life for you and your children

AmIThough · 30/09/2019 14:34

Yeah you'd be doing what's best for your family by kicking him out OP!

marchez · 30/09/2019 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marchez · 30/09/2019 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Josh82 · 01/10/2019 11:43

As a male I would hope you ditch this prick. It's appalling how you're being treated. Get out now. As all of the other respondents have said. Leave.

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