Should I give her money?

[crocsjoc]

Much as I would like to give my dd some of the money I am expecting in compensation for an accident, I am very much afraid that she will just squander it. She has very little idea of 'looking after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves" and any suggestions as to keeping accounts so she knows where the money goes are met with scorn and cries of "you're just sooo patronising".
What should I do?

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

UD I never realised things were so bad

Do you want to meet this week (any day other than Mon 10th) - I will come to you to save your petrol money Name the day - sounds like you need a mate right now

quote: But remarks from her dh like "Do you not think you OWE it to her to pay her for the help she gave you" made me rethink. "

I'd just like to clarify this point as well, as it's a misrepresentation of what I said.

The matter of paying for the help that was given was not a matter of it being owed to UD by her mother - but it being a cost that the people who left the thing on an unlit path for her to fall over - should have been responsible for.

If she had not helped, and a carer had to have been paid, this should have been listed as a cost. My position was that this shouldn't be any different because it was a family member.

I don't remember the exact words I used, but they were actually along the lines of:

"The company paying out this compensation should make good on all costs incurred as a result of the injury that they caused - and they owe UD."

Which, I hope you'll all agree is quite a different thing.

Absolutely MUD - I think this whole situation is far more complex than the OP makes out.

Will you ask your lovely wife if she's free this week - can meet her in town if she wants

Well, awful as this public airing of private matters is for you, UD & MUD, at least now you know without a doubt how she feels and you know never to ask for her help again, since she obviously resents it and sees it as giving her the right to control you. You're better off on your own. You don't need help with such kind of strings. Leaves a very bad taste.

oh, sorry, just read more carefully and realised you didn't even ask in the first place!

I feel very sorry for you. I find it hard to think how your relationship with the OP can go on from here.

Good luck to you.

• and I think it was very bad form on the part of the OP to start this - obv it was done KNOWING you would see it and people's comments. Not nice at all.

This certainly seems a more complicated situation than appeared at first.

UD's, I agree with the other posters that the only way forward is to keep your finances totally separated from mother's in the future. Make your decisions about where to live etc from what's best for you as a family, not from what suits her. But do try to live as if you did not know that she had compensation money, but were in the much more common siutation of not being able to count on relatives for financial support. If you still have debts, try to come to a direct arrangement with the company. At least they're not going to follow you onto Mumsnet!

Going on hoping for assistance from UD's mother can only confuse your own financial situation and put you in a situation where your lives are being controlled.

I am sorry, no I did not read the whole thread.