Long story but I will try to keep it as short as possible
H left me 8 months ago, after a lot of confusion it turned out he had met another woman and he moved into PILs. For the first few months he was going back and forth between me and the OW. So if he argued with her he would hang around our house and he would act like nothing had happened we even slept together a couple of times. But if they were in a good place he would be pretty cold and distant with me and would only really want to see the DCs.
He then moved in with OW for a bit, then they started arguing so he moved back to PILs. Then he got a place of his own and now he is talking about moving in with her again.
In some ways he has been good since he left, he pays over the odds for the DCs and he is still paying the bills for the house. He does see the DCs regularly however where and how long he wants to spend time with them usually depends on whether he is with OW or not.
Recently I have woken up and realised what he was doing and that ultimately he just isn't the same man I loved and so I have been keeping our communication mostly civil and DC based and I am trying to move on and not just letting him have it all his way.
Throughout this PILs have been great. They allowed H to stay with them but made it clear that his behaviour disgusted them. They have told him when he has over stepped the mark (for example when he wanted to introduce the OW as his friend to the DCs a couple of months after we split up). MIL was the one who told me he had OW initially because H wasn't going too. They have checked on me to make sure I am ok and they have been great with the DCs
Even before we had the DCs Christmas day was always the same, we wake up in our house and open presents. Then we go to my dads and open presents/ spend time with him till the early afternoon. Then we go to PILs and have Christmas dinner, open presents and play daft party games till bedtime.
I have always loved doing Christmas with them especially as my own family Christmases were rubbish. So PILs felt like a proper Christmas day that most people enjoy.
I hadn't given any thought as to how we would be spending this Christmas till MIL visited a couple of days ago and asked what I was doing. I told her I didn't know. So she invited me and the DCs to spend Christmas at PILs house. I asked her if she had asked H and she said she had not but that she wanted me to know that it was still an option and that they would love to have me there.I said she should ask H about his plans first and we could go from there.
Today H picked up the DCs with MIL and said that he thinks that actually he will probably be spending Christmas with OWs family. His plan was to visit the our house early Christmas morning and then travel to the OWs family and spend Christmas with them.
I was a bit annoyed that A. he was making plans abut visiting with out asking me and B. he would want to spend most of the day with a family he barely knows rather than his own DCs who will miss him and want to know where he is. H didn't seem to bothered and said that that was his plan and we could talk about it closer to the time. MIL then said that the DCs and I were more than welcome to spend Christmas with them. They then took the DCs out and H didn't mention anything again when he dropped them off.
Now I am torn on what to do. On the one hand the DCs love Christmas at the ILs. They are adopted so disrupting their routines tends to cause even more problems than usual and they have already had so much upheaval. Plus I also really enjoy Christmas there and I will also probably struggle to let it go.
But on the other hand is it not really odd to spend the day with my EXs parents. I am worried that it might be a bit awkward and uncomfortable for everyone there. Plus H doesn't think he will be there so the DCs might be upset or confused that he isn't at his parents house at Christmas.
Also an added complication is that H may well be in a totally different place with OW when Christmas comes around so he might not go away with her after all in which case we would be in PILs together on the day which will be awkward for everyone involved though I would be willing to suck it up to make the DCs happy.
I just can't work out what to do for the best anymore.