Rebound advice?

[Turkishdelite]

Hey.

So basically my question is..... can a rebound start before the previous relationship has ended?

Like for instance, is it still likely to be a rebound if it was with someone you had already known for a little while before the break up?
Especially if you were getting close to this person or cheated with this person before ending your current relationship?

Thanks

A rebound relationship is one which starts before you're properly over the previous relationship. So, yes, I guess this could start when you're still in the death throes of the one before.

So if for instance the person didn't feel as though they were getting the attention/affection/sex that they craved and began to look else where, possibly even physically cheating, if they then were to jump straight into a relationship with this new person right after the break up it could more than likely be considered as a rebound?

I wouldn't class that as a rebound. As it already started.

Would you not consider it as one due to the fact it was being used to give the person what they thought they were missing? Filling the void in a way?

No because it isn't like that. A rebound is when you jump straight into a relationship or have rebound sex after something has ended and you haven't processed the ending.

The ending was already processed when the said person decided to cheat and not work on their relationship. They then ended their relationship to be with the other person.

Do you mean that this new relationship is unlikely to last, OP? That could be the case but it might not be.

Ok. But alot of people don't consider their relationship as over just because they have decided to cheat. That may happen later for various reasons, such as guilt or the other person finding out. And also if the person they chose to cheat with was just the first person to come along, easy pickings, then they aren't someone they would necessarily consider a relationship with under normal circumstances so to jump into a relationship with them just to fill the whole you now have would still be a rebound. Would it not?

@Bucatini yes. If someone was to cheat because they felt they weren't getting what they wanted or needed in the relationship and then became consumed by guilt and so ended the relationship. And then jumped head first into a relationship with the person they cheated with, spending every minute possible with them to distract from the pain. Surely that relationship would be doomed from the start?

Especially if the person who cheated and ended things is actively hiding the new relationship from their previous partner.

Well it's not the ideal start, but not necessarily doomed. Maybe the new person is better suited to them than the previous one?

Yes, Turkish, definitely rebound. I've know people who left partners to move in with someone else with whom they've been having an affair and it frequently does not last. Living 24/7 with a person is not the same as having an affair, you don't know someone until you live with them.

Honestly, I'm not sure if you are looking for excuses for the cheating.

But anyone who decides to actively cheat, lie and disrespect their partner. Means they no longer respect or want their partner.

I also know a few people who have cheated in their relationship. It's ended their relationship and gone on to have a happily married life with the person they cheated with. - is that classed as a rebound marriage of over 10 years.

Obv there are situations where it doesn't lost. In most cases where one person as cheated the relationship is over regardless.

Does it matter what it’s called?

I don't know! The one that ended things is currently so wrapped up in the new one to see or speak to anyone. Whether that be friends, besides colleagues, or family. Not even their own mother or their own children. That seems like a recipe for disaster! As though they are spending so much time with the new person to stop them feeling anything from the previous relationship, hence the not even seeing their children. And if they are spending that much time together so soon, surely it wouldn't take long to burn out and for flaws and insecurities to start showing?

That will burn out. But I would try not to focus so much on what they are doing or how much time. Focus on you and rebuilding your life.

No i'm not looking for excuses for cheating and i agree that if a person has cheated that the previous relationship is over regardless. No it doesn't matter what it's called. I'm simply just trying to get a feel as to what others would make of the situation. I am neither the previous person nor the new one and i am not the one who cheated, if they cheated.

If I'm not involved in it at all, I wouldn't care what they are doing as it's nothing to do with me. So therefore I wouldn't class it as anything

I'm not directly involved. I'm the sister of the person who may or may not have cheated. I am currently looking after said children beacuse the mother is presently away and they were with the father at the time of the break up

@turkishdelite that's a hard situation but there's nothing you can do. I would focus on supporting the mother and children. There are so many threads here where the 'wronged' party suddenly gets dumped by inlaws it would be lovely if you could give her unconditional support. I say this as someone whose inlaws don't want to know me now and I did nothing wrong.

I only know what i know through mutual friends as the most anyone can get from him is that fell out of love because the previous girlfriend had become distant. He hasn't told anyone about this new girl apart from colleagues. And he spends all of the time that he his not at work with her. Yet he tells me he can't take his children as he is always working. Their mother is due back next week so she will take them then but i think he needs to pull himself together and take some responsibility. If he's not seeing them now whilst i have them i'm assuming he won't be seeing them when they are back with their mother either. I was hoping there was an end in sight to his current relationship so he would start to sort his priorities out

My whole family intends to stick by her and support her and the children. They had been together a few years and have been an active part of our family in that time, especially since the children. None of us have any intentions of turning our backs on them. I just wish my brother would pull his head out from up either his or this new girls backside and realise not only what he has lost but what he is doing to their children

'Exit affair'

The classic move of people who can't bear to be alone and need a warm bed to jump to before leaving their old one.

He needs to step up and parent his kids. Call him and tell him you can't look after them and you're going to drop them over to his house.

He doesn't answer my calls and i don't have transport to get them there.

And, I don't know why he would have wanted to leave his old relationship. They were great together and he always told us how much he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. How he couldn't believe how lucky he was and that he didn't know what he would do if he ever lost her.

The only thing i can think is that it's because she had been so busy dealing with something outside of the relationship that he decided to look elsewhere and then became consumed with guilt