Wanting to spend different amounts of time together

[YellowAV]

Has anyone else dealt with this? I need advice!

Been seeing a fabulous man about three months and while things are going very very well our main problem is that he wants to spend more time with me than I do with him. We see each other maybe three times a week on average but I have a much busier life than him and less free time, as well as a stronger need for alone time. I also seem to have many more friends and more hobbies. Sometimes now I feel guilty for being available and not seeing him as want to be alone or see other friends as he would spend every day if he could and whenever I don’t prioritise him I now feel a little guilty which makes me feel a little resentful. I’ve tried to talk about it but feel like I’m constantly letting him down.

Does this get better? I’d really like the problem to go away and for him to dial things back a little. It doesn’t have to be much, just a little ...

3 times a week after 3 months is quite a lot to me.
I think you just have to talk openly about how you both balance a relationship and friends/hobbies. It might be that he's being a bit keen because it's early days, it could be that he is a more needy type. Neither are wrong, but you both have to be happy

Just be honest and say that you are happy with the amount you currently spend together. Your time away from him is equally as important to you.

It sounds like you are incompatible in this area and it could be a real problem going forward if he expects more of you than you feel you want to give. The cracks are already appearing and you can’t e someone your not.

It’s.not a case of either of you being wrong but rather that you have differing needs.

Yes, I had this with my ex. Lola is totally correct, you've just got to bring it up and discuss it. In the same way as you probably can't quite understand why he wants so much time together, he'll probably not quite "get" your side of it!

If it's still problematic once you've discussed it then it might be a bit more of an issue.

I think seeing him three times a week is fine. It's good not to live in each other's pockets. I wonder if you were available five or six times a week, whether he might actually find it all a bit claustrophobic. It's early days in your relationship but he's obviously very keen.

Be honest with him and enjoy what you have.

I see my boyfriend Friday - Monday every week and we have been together about 9 months. We do often spend more time together if we have time off etc. He would happily spend more time together but I do like my space, plus he often works away/long hours. I absolutely love being with him but I am quite independent and I like having time to chill out/go to the gym and seeing friends. At the start of the relationship he did push me to see him more but I just wasn’t ready and we had a discussion about it as I felt pressured. He now accepts how I feel and we enjoy each others company

I think you need to come right to the point and really quickly as it may be this guy is one who is a bit of a 24/7 type of guy who has ‘no need’ for a separate life and even further down the line that may not suit you one bit , better to know right now

Yep, this issue definately warrants a discussion sooner rather than later.

Personally three times a week would not be enough for me to remain interested long term (unless it was a FWB situation)

I'm a big advocate of alone time and certainly would not want to spend 24/7 glued to a partner however I would like to have at least 2 hours per day of couples time even if its just a movie or a tumble in the sheets.

Once a relationship has been fully established, we have truly bonded and the honeymoon period has started to wear off I will often begin having the odd day or two apart here and there.

Red flag. If being with someone intensely is not what you want, it may never be what you want - which is fine. You don't owe him anything.
Alternatively you could meet someone else you actually do want to be with more, so maybe the basic problem is incompatibility. Either way, probably no future.

Christ why is wanting to spend time with your new partner a 'red flag'? It doesn't look like the man is pressuring OP or intentionally guilt tripping her; from how I read it, all of those feelings are down to the OP and how she is perceiving the situation.

OP it depends on whether you feel that in the future he will become a bigger part of your life. If you intend to firmly split your time equally among yourself, your partner, your friends etc and have no intention of ever changing, then it would be kinder of you to end things now so that you can both find someone you're more compatible with.

If you have already tried to talk to him has he not listened and respected your needs?

Where is the guilt coming from? Him?

Has he any friends or hobbies?

What’s his relationship history?

Thanks all. Useful advice!

I probably should have said in my OP that I have my dcs much more than he has his dcs so feel like I don’t even get two hours a day to myself sometimes let alone for anyone else.

I’ll try and talk to him this weekend.

We often see each other more often - sometimes every other day - but it’s probably an average of three times a week depending on schedules

@YellowAV

I'm the same as you I just don't have 2 hours every day. I'm too busy. I think it's a mismatch and eventually you'll get bored that he's so available.

Is he clingy OP? Sorry I can’t bear a clingy man, have your own friends and interests pls!