Been with dh for 15years. Met when I was at uni and having a great time. Just prior to starting uni I was in a relationship that ended when I became pg and he asked me to marry him. I was young and panicked and ended relationship despite the baby. The baby was sadly still born. He wasn't there despite knowing the baby had died and I would have to deliver our son. We got back together for a bit a few months later, this time long distance as I moved away to start fresh at uni. I really struggled to process our baby's death and got close to one of my flat mates. He was much older than me but it was purely a FWB type thing. It was the justification/excuse for me to end with exDP. I moved out and met dh a year later. By then I was overweight, insecure and lacked a lot of confidence. He was lovely in the beginning (as all relationships are at the start) and we moved in quickly (mainly to solve a housing issue). I fell pg shortly before graduating. He didn't want the baby but I couldn't go through with a termination. I told him he could walk away, no pressure, but I was keeping the baby. He stayed but failed to attend most of my antenatal appointments and stood me up for all of our parenting sessions at the hospital (left me completely humiliated sitting there alone with all these other pg couples and the midwife asking if she should wait much longer) He never said where he had been except for lame excuses (had to work, i forgot, i couldn't find a parking space so I went home). Dd's birth was very traumatic. I ended up needing blood transfusion and emergency c-section. He didn't cope very well with her as a baby and had little patience, often coming home late and spending all his time and money on his car and motorbikes. I carried on working part time, finishing off my uni work, moving to a bigger house and eventually graduated when dd was 10months old. No family to help out. Fast forward many years I was always second best to said car and bikes and lots of arguments and resentment but despite coming very close to leaving, decided to stay. I don't know why. We eventually had ds and got married. He never proposed, just talked about one day and set a date and that was that. I was desperate for a proper proposal. We now have our own house. Our ds is autistic and very hard work. Dh doesn't understand him at all. I lost a lot of weight, confidence soared and then met a friend (A) at work a couple of years ago having been at uni with him when he was married to his first wife. We got on really well and flirted a lot. We messaged a lot at home. A few weeks before he remarried we had cyber sex. I regretted it straight away. He left the job for another area to avoid me and got married. We stayed in touch for a while. I lost my sister last year to a long cancer battle and ended up putting on a couple of stone. This year I had a very traumatic mc. Not a planned pg and dh had said he didn't want it initially but after nearly losing it early on he changed his mind. Obv I went on to lose it anyway a couple months later. He let my aunt to come to hospital with me and I ended up in ITU due to complications. I had to go through medical procedure for the mc and whilst i was trying to deliver it, he commented on my weight (not the first time. He had frequently told me my weight is off putting - I was never enormous) a week later he told me maybe I should address my weight. We've had lots of little arguments since. He won't talk about the mc. A just happened to reappear in my messages and the last couple of months we've had cyber sex a few times. He asked me to meet him for sex. Dh and I are now rarely having sex (dh not interested in me). I haven't met A but am starting to feel I want to. I don't want to wreck any families so I won't but I feel like this is becoming an emotional affair and I'm not sure i would say no again if he asked. I feel like he has highlighted all the flaws in my marriage. Dh will barely talk to me. Is this something that can be saved or do i cut my losses and give up now? I feel like we want different things and are on different pages. I have changed a lot since I met him and dh doesn't want to. I can't ask him to change either. I'm completely attracted to A and wish I had met him in a different life as we are on the same level but this is just distracting me from my shitty marriage and that is my priority to sort it for kids sake. Any help much appreciated