Ex opening post

[putastrawunderbaby]

Just a quick question - does anyone know if my ex is fully entitled to open post that comes to my address but is marked "to the parent of...."? For various reasons he has to come into my home when I'm not here and he's collecting the dc. He goes through my post and opens things. I realise he's the other parent but it feels like an intrusion every time, especially as I'm having to trust him in my home.

Could you get an exterior lockable post box and not give him a key. There are some nice decorative ones.

I'm in a rented flat so can't put one outside but maybe there's something I could fit to the inside of the door....good plan, thank you!

If he’s your ex why is he in your house alone? Stop that.

I would second a lock box inside the door or ask at your sorting office if they can hold your mail for collection?

Does the school send him the same material? Do you keep him informed of what’s going on at school?

Not excusing his behaviour, but if he’s only opening “parent of” mail then perhaps he’s concerned that you’re (or they’re) not keeping him updated.

He can ask the school to include him on comms and IMO (at least for my DC’s schools) the primary schools had to be cajoled / reminded every so often but Secondary schools just do it as a matter of course and are much more organised. If he asks, they should include him.

@paterpower I not only include him, I actively encourage his involvement, but unfortunately he's not interested in things like parents' evenings etc. I suspect this is more of a control issue.

@alwayscheddar he's there alone because of the way he wants to pick the children up. I'm afraid of what will happen if I try to change the arrangement. He has threatened not to bring the kids back. It's much better to manage this situation than antagonise him.

If it’s addressed “for the parents of...” and he’s the parent, then yes, he can open it.
Are you usually so afraid of him that you won’t stop this arrangement?
Do you have legal advice?

You can ask the post office to hold your mail. You’d need to collect from your main sorting office (I think). Bit of a pain but would ensure you get all your post.

If it's "to the parent of" and he is the parent then it's fine, he should be getting a copy in an ideal world and you should be sharing it with him if not. Other post no.

You can get a cage to fit inside the door and put a padlock on it, or as others have suggested you can collect your mail from the PO. He should be able to read the to the parent letters unless you want them sent out in your name which you would have to speak to the school about.

He has threatened not to bring the kids back. It's much better to manage this situation than antagonise him.

I totally understand your thinking here but he will undoubtedly up the ante and you could easily find yourself cornered by ‘it’s not such a big deal’ acceptance of his incremental pathological need to control you.