Just wanted to write this post to give a bit of hope ( if you can call it that ) to older posters if they are in an abusive relationship. Im 55 years old next February my son is 20 now.
On Sunday its the three year anniversary of my son and I starting our new journeys in life.
I was with my ex husband for 17 years together for 27 years. It had mostly been an abusive relationship. I genuinely thought all relationships were like mine and I didn't even realise I was being abused. Seriously I just thought most peoples relationships were like mine. I truly believed that men didn't really like women and were only in relationships with them for convenance. I now know through therapy that he was a narcissist .
He was coercive with money. Physically abusive and mentally abusive which to me was far worse. The damage of the mental abusive has had a much longer lasting affect and still is part of my life now.
My son and I often had conversations about how much better it would be without his dad being around.
Three years ago it all came to a head. I had to go out to a school meeting and he was ranting on and he said something unforgivable about our son. I turned round and saw my sons knees on the stairs. I knew he had heard his dad say what he did. That was the final straw.
We left that night with school uniform tooth brushes and phone chargers.
I phoned a good friend and we stayed at hers.
This all happened on a Thursday night. I went back to the house on the Friday morning when he was at work. I locked us in the house incase he came back. I was petrified. We collected clothes my baby momentous and my sons computer I knew I would never set foot in that house again.
Friday afternoon I viewed a flat. ( that we still live in )
I stayed at my lovely friends for three weeks until I could get the keys for the flat.
When I moved in I had literally nothing. No furniture ,kitchen stuff, tv ,beds or bed linen. If it wasn't for friends and the salvation army charity seriously I don't know how I would have coped.
I sorted out benefits and I am truly grateful that I had that to help me survive. Im off them now.
There was a-lot of police involvement when I left but they were amazing. Theres is nothing to send a narcissist more crazy than ignoring them.
I haven't spoken to him neither has my son since the day we left.
Through counselling I attended the Freedom programme which I cant recommend highly enough.
Three years on I have watched my son grow into a truly amazing hard working young man.
I dated for a while online and fortunately after meeting the strangest people on dating sites
I met my soulmate.
I have peace in my heart finally. So even though I never thought Id have the courage to leave an abusive relationship I cant tell you enough Its all been worth it and Ive never been happier.
This isn't meant to be a sanctimonious post I just thought it might give people ( men or women ) the courage to leave an abusive relationship.