Financial Contribution

[user1469525654]

Asking for advice and I suppose an am I being unreasonable? We are a family of five who have just moved house which was non negotiable. I work on average 40 hoyrs a week but have been taking on extra hours to help make ends meet. My hubby works 30 hours but mostly 25 really due to being in a role where hours are based on tourism at peak times etc. We are struggling and i have asked him to take on more hours for a while to help out. He is refusing based on him hating his job and i feel he is being unreasonable because he smokes eyc and ecpects me to buy it out of household funds and yet i am doing more and i have cancelled my gym memberships etc because we can't afford it. He leaves me to organise the family finances and expects me to make it all balance out but how ? The worry is causing anxiety and i admit to feeling angry about his lack of support and contribution

i admit to feeling angry about his lack of support and contribution

I'm not surprised; he sounds like a lazy shit. 30 hours a week is not much at all.

Stop buying him cigs out of household funds; tell him to pay for them himself for starters. Cut back on everything. Tell him why.

Buy the cheapest food. Stop all luxuries. Spell it out to him that he needs to get a second job.

How much do you/your husband contribute proportionally to household income, proportionally? What is your financial arrangement? It's difficult to say without this info.

Personally, I think after bills/savings, you should split disposable income equally and then he has to fund his smoking habit out of his portion of the spare cash. However, this only works if both of you are pulling your weight when it comes to putting in the hours.

He will need to cut back, up his hours or find a second job to fit around his existing one. You shouldn't be the one to cut back on everything and put the hours in. Does he take on most of the household jobs as you're working 15 hours more than him?

Basically i earn 1250 after deductions each month he earns around 850 and the deal is all bills come out of the combined pot and whatever is left is used for family extras, food top ups and tobacco. I do the cleaning and half the laundry and deal with finances etc he helps out here and there, cooks when i am long shifts and puts laundry away.

I generally do three 12 hour shifts a week and then 2 to 3 six hour shifts as well

OK. Does he want to give up? You need to be blunt, he needs to give up as you (household) cannot afford to fund his habit. If he wants to continue he needs to bring in extra income. I know this is easier said than done. How much does his habit cost?

Also he does need to pull his weight at home more. You're shouldering the burden on this.

Do you have any children together?

Why don’t you have a joint account and personal accounts, you both pay into joint account proportionate to your incomes, and what is left over is each of yours to spend. That way he has a set amount of money that is ‘his’ money based on his income. He can spend what he wants on cigarettes but no more magically appears unless he earns more.

Yes we have three kids 15, 12 and 10

You seem to be working longer hours than him and doing more of the housework?

I would take bills out, then family extras and food top-ups, and work out how much is left over each month. Perhaps a small amount of that goes to savings, and the rest is divided between the two of you. His smokes come out of that.

You should also get him involved in the household budgeting. Let him try and stretch the money further.