Why does this keep happening?

[wrongagain5]

I broke up with my husband over 5 years ago now (nothing dramatic, we'd just totally grown apart after getting together very young) but since then I just seem to keep getting with guys who can't tell the truth if their lives depended on it.
Been with current partner for 14 months now. On the surface he's lovely, everyone thinks he's great. He's funny, caring, affectionate, charming, good in bed and seemingly has his life together - owns a house, decent job etc. Reality is, he actually spent the first 8 months (probably more) of our relationship cheating on me with various girls and even longer messaging other girls on social media. I found this out a few weeks ago and I stupidly listened to his crocodile tears and bullshit believing that he was sorry and he'd never lie to me again blah blah blah. Then I find out he's up to his eyeballs in debt with payday loans which he spent on flash holidays with his ex and all the latest gadgets. NOW I find out that he's got a porn addiction and spends every available opportunity wanking to whatever and whoever he can find online. I'm so done with it all.
He's not the first guy I've dated who's been full of BS, but he's the first one I've fallen for before realising he was full of it.
Is it just me? Am I doing something wrong? How do you spot the signs early on without looking like a raging psychopath?
Don't get me wrong, I'm actually very happy single and the thought of being alone forever doesn't scare me but I do enjoy being in a relationship. Just not a shitty one that's full of lies!
Grrrr

I'm guessing there were red flags from the off that you subconsciously ignored. Charming gets my spidey senses tingling - I think there are very few charming people who are genuinely sincere.

Yes maybe you're right. Looking back, there were times when his story maybe didn't quite add up or feel right but never enough for me to make a deal of it.
I'm going to buy some cats 😆

I don't think you're doing anything wrong- just bad luck. Get rid of this one and move on to the next one when you're ready. Hugs and best wishes xxx

How are you meeting these guys? I realised I kept meeting rubbish men, kept going for same type and then changed my tact and am now very happily married x

I suspect you keep attracting narcissists. There's lots of good videos on you tube about red flags but Little Shamen is my favourite

narcsite.com is also a good resource.

@Interestedwoman thank you. I'm ok, just pissed off I've wasted over a year with him, introduced him to everyone who all think he's the bees knees and now I've got to tell them all he's actually a pillock

@Oct18mummy I met him via a friend of a friend kind of thing. Big social event, got chatting, swapped numbers & the rest is bullshit history.
I've also tried online dating but really cba with that again!

I'd love to say that I go for a 'type' but I don't think I do. He's totally the opposite to my last bf in every way

Ah well 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Jaffacakesaremyfave thank you that's very interesting actually I'll watch a few.

I don't think he exhibited too many of the narcissistic traits as such. If I were to analyse his behaviour it's more of a wants his cake and eat it thing with him. He does stuff not actually thinking of the consequences, gets so caught up in the thrill of things that he doesn't consider the real affect it may have. He's never twisted anything or tried to make anything my fault, he's admitted everything he's done when he's been found out. He's a bit like a kid that can't say no to stuff that looks fun.... hence the debt and the cheating I guess. He's fucked it now anyway, his bags are packed and out in the rain waiting for him 😂