Me (25f) and my husband (29m) have an open relationship as he is asexual and doesn’t enjoy sex. I have a very high sex drive some agreed I could satisfy my needs elsewhere. I’ve always had a huge crush on his best friend who lives in another state and I asked my husband if he would be okay if I positioned his friend for a friends with benefits type of situation, he said he would be. My husband decided to tell his friend himself as he thought it would be better coming from him. So my husband told his friend that he had given me an open relationship and that I had a crush on him, his friend said there was no way he’d go there with me because I was ‘off limits’ and he would have to avoid me now to save the friendship he had with my hubsand. I took from this that he wasn’t interested and I forgot about it.
A few days later he text me, I didn’t even know he had my number, I’m still not sure how he got it. The texts were just friendly at first, completely innocent and I thought maybe he just doesn’t want to make it weird between us so that’s why he’s texting me. Slowly they turned slightly flirty but whenever I’d flirt back he would stop texting me for a few days.
After about a month of us texting me, my husband, his friend and several of our other friends went out for dinner and some drinks. When his friend was sober he was a bit of a douche with me, my friend said I looked beautiful and my husband agreed, he said ‘don’t worry I don’t think that. I’m completely soft around you, I’m not into you like that’. I didn’t understand why he needed to say this but whatever, I forgot about it again. Later that night he was really drunk and we spent three hours talking alone ignoring everyone else. He told me that I could have anyone I wanted and that I was beautiful and my husband told him I liked him but he didn’t believe I was into him like that. I told him I was and he said I was making this really difficult for him. The entire time we were talking he had his hand on the back of my head, his fingers in my hair as it was a loud place. There were dancers on poles in underwear all around the club and he told me I should get up there and dance like that, I told him there was no way and if I looked as good as those I would but I definitely wouldn’t and I laughed. He shook his head and said ‘do it. That’s so sexy’.
The following day he text saying he was sorry for being mean when he was sober and he asked me if he said anything inappropriate last night and I told him everything he said. He laughed and I asked if anything he said was true and he said some of it was. I asked if he was into me and he said that if I wasn’t his best friends wife then yes he would be but I am so he couldn’t. I said I respected his decision and asked if we could forgot this ever happened. He agreed and said I shouldn’t waste my time on him. The following day he’s texting me flirting again and this continues for weeks.
We then go out for dinner and drinks again and he tells me that it wouldn’t be difficult for me to turn him on. A few days later were texting again and he’s drunk and we’re flirting, but this time is more like sexting. He asks me for nudes and we’re flirting heavily, I tell him I will, but I want to see something from him first, so he sends a picture and I send one back. Then he sends a few more including videos of him masturbating after I’d sent him several photos. The next day he texts me and is only friendly. The following two weeks he doesn’t flirt at all but he texts me a lot, he’s friendly and he sends me pictures of his dogs, his family, food he’s eating, selfies and childhood photos.
Now because he hadn’t flirted at all, I was wondering if he was even interested anymore so I decided to start sexting him. He was completely into it, he sent me more photos and I sent him stuff in return. He told me to bring a condom next time I see him and that he wanted to do all these dirty things to me. A few days go by and I’m horny so I message him and ask what he’s up to (I didn’t want to send anything at an inappropriate time). He tells me he’s alone in bed, before I can even send a reply he texts saying that his ex has been trying to sext him all night but he isn’t interested in her at all. I thought t was weird he was telling me this but I shrugged it off and asked if he wanted a video of me masturbating (he’s asked for his several times). He said ‘yes definitely’ I asked if I was going to get a video back and he said ‘no not tonight I’ve already cum enough today’. I told him maybe another night then and he never replied.
A few days later I’m having a girls night at the club with my friends. He texts me and asks if my husband is there, I say no he’s out of town. He asks if I’m planning on bringing a guy back tonight, I say no and he says that he thinks I will. I tell him I won’t, I’m only interested in him and one night stands don’t don’t for me. I tell him I’ve only ever been with my husband before and I’m not planning on sleeping with just anyone, I really like him and it’s him I want not some random guy. We flirt and sext again that night.
The following weekend I’m in Vegas with my girlfriends. He asks if I’m planning on sleeping with anyone there, again I say no. He asks me where abouts I am in Vegas, I tell him that I’m only in my hotel room with the girls, he doesn’t reply. A few hours later he texts me asking ‘how’s the clubs’ I tell him they are amazing and I’m so glad I have tomorrow night to go out too. He replies with ‘kk’ I tell him tonight was only supposed to be quiet but it didn’t last long. He replies with ‘your in Vegas your obviously going to get stupid drunk and party’ and he never replied again. I text him when I got back to my room telling him I was horny and asking if he was awake, I got no reply, not even the next morning. The following night we were out in Vegas again and I’m sending him photos of myself, my friends, my drinks etc and he replies to nothing. My friend out on her status that a guy was following me around the club like a lost puppy trying to buy me drinks. He texts me ‘saw your fiends status... haha’ I text back saying that the guy had left now and he was a creep, he doesn’t reply to me. I text him later saying that I had tons of compliments on my ass tonight and I felt amazing about myself (he knows I have low confidence) and he still didn’t reply.
Since we started texting he’s asked me about five times if I had acted on my open relationship yet. Once when we were texting I said ‘I really like you’ he replied with ‘you’d rather be with your husband if he would put out though. I know that’ I wasn’t sure whether to take this as a jealous thing or a remember your married and this between us is just sex.
Since then it’s been a week and I’ve text him a lot and he hardly replies. If he does it very short answers. He’s definitely not the same with me now. I asked him last night if everything was okay and he said he was fine just busy at work lately. He hasn’t flirted, sexted or even been that friendly since.
Does anyone have any idea what’s going on? I can understand if he’s completely went off the idea of sleeping with me for some reason, if he really is just busy and I’m being paranoid or if he’s jealous for some reason that I was in Vegas partying? Any sort of advice/opinions would be great.