My so I believed lovely long term partner of 13 years left me and my DC at the beginning of August after admitting to a 3 month affair with a colleague. At first he said he wanted to try and then after a week told me he couldn't because he didn't see a future for us anymore.
He moved out, I think to live with the OW immediately. We have seen him a couple of times and my DC will only spend time with him if the three of us are together.
Up until last week he said he hadn't given up hope of making it work but now I have learned that he is buying a house with the OW - makes me wonder if it has been going on longer than he told me.
He tells me he misses me and loves our life together but is not prepared to give up the possibility of a new life with the OW.
I know what I'm supposed to do, I know I have to accept it's over and he's stolen our future away from me but it's so damn hard. I love him. It's as simple as that. I have loved him since we met, only ever wanted a life with him. In May we were planning our future, in August he had gone.
There is a little more - when I think about it, there have been changes in him since January - he stopped running, walking the dog, looking after himself (not washing, wearing the same clothes for weeks on enf), not sleeping, drinking too much, putting on weight, not doing the thing he enjoys to relax, was tired all the time and grumpy, told me he felt pressure at work and didn't trust his colleagues or boss. I don't think these are indicators of an affair; I would have assumed the opposite really. I think they are more likely indicators of depression.
He has had an affair though and is now saying that he knew I didn't love him and that I wasn't committed to the relationship. To some extent that is true. I do love him but I was thinking of leaving because he was so miserable and I got overinvested in an old friend, almost to the point of emotionally unfaithful but I checked myself when I realised that telling my exDP that I was leaving would have broken his heart and I couldn't do that to him because I love him. I was committed to him. I still am.
I know I shouldn't, but I want him to come home. I also know he won't.
I'm so totally lost and sad. The evenings and weekends are so long and lonely and I'm so jealous of the OW. They get to have a lovely time together, being free of responsibility while I have to keep everything going at home.
I think I'm just looking for support. I have great friends who are supporting me IRL but there are times in the middle of the night when I need to cry and be heard.
I only really ever wanted a life with him, to grow old and watch our family grow. Now I'll never have that with him and I'm scared. I miss the intimacy, the company, the everyday stuff, it's such a massive space he has left. I wish he would come home.