Everyone knows that people put on a bit of a show at the beginning of a relationship, but he's completely different isn't he?
That man who enjoyed sampling new food and cultures under the beautiful architecture of that catherdral on his first birthday you spent together, is only really interested in takeaways, chips and pizza. You thought he would embrace the wider world with you; show you new things, try new foods and cultures. He isn't that man.
The man with the energy, creativity and zest for life isn't so is he? He flops to his phone, he waits for you to motivate him, to get him going in the mornings, to make each and every decision. He isn't the man you thought.
The man who met you with sympathy and genuine affection when you felt unwell and afraid? That's not him either. Your feelings and needs inconvenience him, frustrate him when they challenge his routines and expectations. The sulking hurts the most, the rolling eye balls and one word responses all add to you overwhelming anxiety. It would be easier if he would just spit it out, but he doesn't, instead his sulking and coldness puts you on edge and sets your anxiety on over-drive. He isn't caring like you thought.
The laid back, easy going, kind-hearted nature? He is greedy with time and money, taking as much as he can for himself. He begrudges you working part-time to care for the children on the days you're not working and yet takes on little responsibility himself. He saves his angst and chaotic nature for home life, leaving important things to the last minute and pacing around frantically when he's stressed out. He's not laid back, he's not kind. He's not the man you thought he was.
And now, you've created a whole life together, a house, a home, cars, bills and more heart-wrenching of all- children. And you're doing it all with a man you barely knew until more recently. You hang on to the hope that he will change and let the old him become a more permanent fixture.
But he resists. He says he has already changed enough for you. He has changed of course, but in your eyes, for the worst.
You wanted a good life for your children and a nice home; you had the dysfunctional childhood, you wanted more for them. And yet here you are. Primarily, because he's not the man you thought. Unfortunately, it took having children to really show you that.
Another 'talk' awaits.
Where you explore what separation holds for the both of you. But where you realise you can't separate until the babu is sleeping better, because you're already on your knees and you need his help. He pins that on you- "I can't leave until you're capable of caring for the children."
The man you thought he was would never have said that.