Introducing new partner to kids

[PetraDelphiki]

Question on behalf of sibling. Sibling has just split up (less than 2 months) with spouse (who has moved out). They have 3 kids under 10. Can sibling stop ex spouse intruding kids to new partner (reason for breakup) at this point?

No they can’t however in my opinion it is way too soon to introduce kids to new parter. It’s very irresponsible and selfish. Poor kids will just be getting used to mum and dad not being together!!!

She can't stop him. It's a shame he's so irresponsible. People coming and going from the kids lives can be so damaging.

My ex has recently met someone new (we were together a year and no kids-he also never met mine) and I heard he was staying over her house, with the 3 kids, as soon as they got together. He's a nice man, but I feel so bad for those kids if they become attached and it doesn't work out.
Some people just don't think to put the kids first when they get excited over a relationship.

Nope.

She can talk to him about it.
It will damaging for the DC.
The older one will certainly figure out he cheated.
It could damage his relationship with his DC but if he wants to take that chance then I'm afraid, there is little your DSis can do about it.
Is the contact agreement in place and formal?
She could with-hold contact but that would be cruel and reflect badly on her.
It's a no win situation.

No they can’t atop them

Interesting assumptions about sex of sibling here!!! It is absolutely too early (and their eldest is not stupid)...but that’s what I thought! I’ve told my sibling to not make too much of a fuss as it’s not really preventable so save arguments for things that can be controlled at this point :-(

But honestly how bloody selfish can you get to do that to already traumatized kids!

Interesting assumptions about sex of sibling here!!!
Indeed - I totally made that assumption.
Sorry! Really didn't mean to.
I just assume women are far more considerate and caring towards their kids that men are.
But this could be same sex or anything else.
My advice is the same though.
Put it to the Ex that this won't end well if they introduce partners this early on.

That’s the plan - DB is in pieces though!

Also does anyone know what the courts position on spousal support is? She earns about 2/3 of what he does and has always gone back to work after maternity leave so not a sahp? She apparently thinks she’s entitled to it? They are going 50/50 on custody (hopefully)...

Spousal maintenance isn't often awarded nowadays and even when it is, it's usually when there's a large disparity between the incomes and is to help the lower income spouse transition to supporting themselves (or support them if they are ill or not physically able to earn a living). It sounds unlikely in your DB's case but he should obviously seek legal advice.

50/50 and she earns.[
I wouldn't expect her to get spousal maintenance but she may get a small amount of child maintenance.
Like PP says - Get some legal advice.
She will be making all kinds of shit up.
And if she already has a live in partner the spousal maintenance is very very unlikely!

That’s what I thought about maintenance...someone has told him it’s always due from higher earner so he would have to give her extra equity from house to make a clean break instead...

someone has told him it’s always due from higher earner
Sorry but that is bollox.
Unless of course, they live in the US????

NOT OVERLY HELPFUL but worth a read through.

Nope UK...bollox is what I thought!

By that "someone's"' logic nearly every SAHP would be due spousal maintenance on top of child maintenance if their ex works - of course that doesn't happen. Courts are not interested in ensuring the separated parties have the same standard of living as each other post-split right from the off (might be different if you're at or close to retirement age) - they simply want to ensure each party is adequately housed which may mean the primary care getting a higher % of assets so they can house the DC. If your DB has 50/50 access it'll be less of a factor.

By that "someone's"' logic nearly every SAHP would be due spousal maintenance on top of child maintenance if their ex works
Indeed - LOL - I got fucking neither!
So many women get shafted so that is just not the case!

There's a good chance she will get a higher % of the equity in the circumstances you describe, because she's the lower earner. I'm afraid the highe earner invariably gets shafted in a divorce. But she would be very unlikely to get spousal maintenance.

As others have said, there's little your brother can do about the rush to introduce a new partner. My ex wife did the same (no cheating - I left her because of violence and abuse) - she met someone as soon as we split, introduced him to the kids about 6 weeks after meeting him, and moved him in two months later when they'd only met him a handful of times. They found it really, really hard. Definitely not the case that "women are far more considerate and caring towards their kids than men are"!

The best advice I can give him is to simply be there for the kids. There will be times when they are upset, or simply need to vent. He will have a really hard line to walk - he needs to be understanding and validate their feelings, without trashing their mum. Lots and lots of reassurance that both mummy and daddy love them. Be ready for them to act out a bit - they're going to be very insecure for a while. He just needs to give them the love, stability and consistency that they won't be getting from their mum. 50/50 really helps with that. I made a conscious decision not to date, and just to focus on my girls for a very long time after the split. I'd encourage your brother to do the same - his kids will really need him right now.

I’m sorry it happened to you too...it is horrid. Thanks for the advice...will pass it on!