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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stay or go?

7 replies

summersolstice43 · 27/09/2019 09:19

Ive met a lovely guy and we get on really well when we see eachother, the problem is we never seem to have quality time together. We've been to the cinema once and had a few restaurant dates but that's it, we've never had a family day out together. He's told me he has to work 10-14 hour shifts every day (usually 7 days a week). He's sleeping in most mornings and going into work lunch times and sometimes he is taking the full day off as he's "burnt out", when I ask him if he can take a day off over the weekend he says he has to work as he has no choice but then tells me its not compulsory. He has kids who he never gets to spend time with and me and his ex wife have been pushing him to take time off to see his kids but he's just not budging at all.

We have things planned for the future, holidays booked and paid for etc but I just don't know if I can carry on like this. I feel like I'm on my own and just getting on with my own life until he's able to see me. I've tried to talk to him and he keeps telling me I sound like a broken record and we keep going over the same things but we're not getting anywhere.

I also work full time but have evenings and weekends off which I tend to spend on my own or waiting for him to get out of work. Not sure if I need to be patient and wait for him to work things out or cut my losses and loose someone I genuinely like.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 27/09/2019 09:35

Not sure if I need to be patient and wait for him to work things out or cut my losses and loose someone I genuinely like
This is sooooo bloody obvious OP I can't believe you need to ask.
You cut your losses.
Surely you can see that from your post?
This will never change.
He can't be bothered to make time for his own DC.
Why on earth would you be a priority?
You need to let him get on with his life.
He needs to make time for his DC before he can fit another relationship into his life.
He isn't ready.
RUN - THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

summersolstice43 · 27/09/2019 09:41

@hellsbellsmelons

Yes you're 100% right, I know the answer is to walk away I just thought things would get better as his work settled down and I didn't want to be on my own but it feels like I am anyway.

Things are complicated with his kids But I've included them in things I've organised in the past and he's had to work so its always fallen through.

I just wanted him to do something for me for once to prove that he wanted this to work :(

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 27/09/2019 09:43

Op, if a man wants to see you he will.

If he doesn't then you have your answer. He's just not that into you. I'm sorry.

summersolstice43 · 27/09/2019 09:57

He does come to mine after work to see me and we have tea together but that few hours on an evening is pretty much al we have due to his work. I know this is an excuse but he is working hard to clear debts but he can do this and still make time for the important people in his life surely?

OP posts:
summersolstice43 · 27/09/2019 11:29

Also, he keeps asking things like "do you fancy going for a spa day" or "how about a trip to the cinema" but nothing ever comes of it. He has told me a few times he was going to buy me flowers and got distracted with other things or he saw something I might have liked but never got it. Not sure if this is to keep me interested or if its genuine.

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 27/09/2019 14:06

He's very lukewarm.

I'd dump him because it sounds utterly pointless to me. But at the very least, stop being so available for him. Don't waste your evenings and weekends waiting for him - plan stuff with friends/family, and go off and do it.

If he realises he can't see you without taking time off work, you will soon see one way or another what he thinks of you.

DarkNightDelight · 27/09/2019 14:40

If you don't feel like you're getting what you'd like then I'd walk away. A relationship should fulfill you and enhance your life.

I'd walk away Thanks

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