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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Fuming!!!

18 replies

Lily2811 · 27/09/2019 02:30

DH went out tonight. Got home two hours later than he said he would be home, didn't even text to say he would be late. Has come home drunk as anything ranting and raving and being super emotional about all sorts of stuff. I'm gunna sleep in the spare room I think.

OP posts:

Goodebe · 27/09/2019 02:38

I feel for you.
Can’t bear drunk people. Spare room sounds like a good plan!

Theresa79 · 27/09/2019 02:39

I’d be more angry that he came home by the sound of it.

Original poster

Lily2811 · 27/09/2019 02:42

I'm not really bothered that he stayed out so late, his hangover at the end of the day. I'm just so angry that he didn't even text to say he was going to be home two hours later than he said he would. He's been with me for years, he knows exactly how I think and he knows that I would have been worried.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lily2811 · 27/09/2019 02:43

I mean I think it's stupid that he stayed out so late especially with work tomorrow but it's more the complete lack of communication and consideration that's really made me angry.

OP posts:

Faez · 27/09/2019 02:45

Oooo work tomorrow, that's going to be brutal. Hope he doesn't have to drive

Original poster

Lily2811 · 27/09/2019 02:47

No he doesn't have to drive. I wouldn't let him get behind a wheel anyway, I lost a friend to drink driving and I am super diligent and strict about that subject. I'll have no sympathy whatsoever when he's moaning in the morning about being tired and hungover. I'm sat in the spare room, can't sleep and just feel a bit sad and lonely really.

OP posts:

Theresa79 · 27/09/2019 02:55

Don’t feel sad and lonely. Is there more to this than what you’ve said for you to feel sad and lonely?

Mothership4two · 27/09/2019 02:56

Yes, alcohol with do that. He'll be sorry in the morning.

Try and sleep (camomile tea/hot milk?) as I bet he is snoring his head off without a care in the world!

He may be an annoying plonker, but at least you know he is home safe.

Original poster

Lily2811 · 27/09/2019 03:02

@Theresa79 I just feel sad that after so many years together it didn't even cross his mind to text me or call me to let me know he was going to be 2 hours late home. Like I don't even matter. When he knows what I'm like and he knows I would worry that something had happened to him. My friend today was telling me how caring and considerate her DH has been as they are pregnant with DC2 and I just thought mine can't even been bothered to let me know he's not coming home until 2am

OP posts:

Original poster

Lily2811 · 27/09/2019 03:03

@Mothership4two yeah of course, most important thing is that he's safe. Yep he is out for the count. Also still in all his clothes.

OP posts:

Theresa79 · 27/09/2019 03:17

I totally understand where your coming from.
I find being in a relationship exhausting, he’s always done as he pleases so I’ve become used to it. They don’t get why we feel hurt. Would it be a an idea if you did the same to him ? I mean give as good as you get?

chickenninja · 27/09/2019 03:47

No don't lower yourself and do the same thing as you won't have a leg to stand on.. sorry Theresa79 I think that's poor advice.

Wait until he's in the depth of his hangover then have a word with him. He'll probably feel awful tomorrow.

finn1020 · 27/09/2019 04:00

If he’s generally pretty good he may not have been very capable of thinking clearly enough to text you to say he’d be two or so hours late, he might have been too off his face already by then. Hope he doesn’t vomit anywhere, drunk people can be so annoying!

Theresa79 · 27/09/2019 04:01

@Chickenninja your right it was bad advice, I'm sorry, don't do that . Things would get worse. Not helpful of me .
He does sound like he has stuff on his mind though , maybe something is worrying him and is using alcohol to cope ?

rwalker · 27/09/2019 07:39

If he was pissed and having good time most likely just lost track of time. If it's not a regular thing really can't see the problem.
TBH we are very much when we go out it's see you when I see you type of thing in our house as adults no need to keep tabs on each other

Original poster

Lily2811 · 27/09/2019 10:28

@rwalker each to their own. I'm not "keeping tabs" on him, just would've been nice to know he was safe at 2 o'clock in the morning when I've heard nothing

OP posts:

ChristmasFluff · 27/09/2019 14:21

Oh, OP, this is mumsnet, where you will be called 'controlling' for expecting the common courtesy of a phonecall or text when someone is going to be late. Apparently, most people on here never have the visions of 'hospital case', or 'dead in a ditch' that us lesser mortals have when our loved ones don't turn up as expected.

It's incredibly inconsiderate, and I totally get what you mean - that at no point did you matter enough to him for him to think, 'ooh, better tell Lily I'm on a bender and not to wait up'. Def down to the drink, but it's a poor excuse.

I hope he's having the hangover from hell today, and if this sort of inconsiderate behaviour was commonplace in the relationship, I'd be rethinking it.

Pinkyyy · 27/09/2019 14:28

I think you're taking it to heart too much. It's not that he didn't think you mattered enough to call, he was out having a good time and didn't think about it. It happens. As long as he's not doing it on a frequent basis, I wouldn't get myself worked up over it, I'd be happy he enjoyed himself.

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