when is the right time to start a family

[ohmysense]

I’ve been together with my partner for over 3 years, and we got married this summer. We’re both in our early thirties. DH has a good salary that could possibly keep us both quite comfortable, although we have not merged our finances fully and have no immediate plans to do so. I am currently retraining for a new profession, so no salary right now. We are renting a small flat.
We both want to start a family in the near future, DH probably not as soon as I do. I’m quite keen to start trying, at least on the emotional level. However, if I look at it rationally, there are a few big considerations:

1. I won’t start earning again until August next year. I do have some savings however I’d rather not spend it all until I’m back to work. I do believe in the importance of having a safety cushion, especially with a baby.
2. I won’t be eligible for the employer’s maternity scheme until I’ve been 18 months on the job. Which obviously feels like ages away.
3. Everyone keeps telling me that in my new profession the transition from training to first year on the job is the hardest, and it’s really not a great idea to take a break in between, as you may lose confidence, and it will be very hard to get back to work afterwards. I do however know people who took a year out and were fine, so it does happen.

At the same time, I’m somewhat worried that we’ll wait, and then won’t be able to get pregnant, and I will really regret waiting this long. I also probably want a longer gap between DCs, so don’t want to leave it too late (this is completely hypothetical though, I realise I may change my mind ten times over). Also, I feel there is just no perfect time in life, and something will always be on the way. So, I suppose, what would people do? are there any considerations I’m overlooking?

In those circumstances I’d wait until I was settled and established in the new career.before contemplating children.

How old are you op?

Shit sorry I see now you said early 30s.

No, Id probably wait.

Can you have a fertility check done at a reputable clinic.

It's not perfect/foolproof but better than nothing. Your partner should also have the basic checks they do on men.

Motherhood is never easy to fit into any stage of your career. From your post it sounds like you'll need to wait 3years or so? Its quite a long time!
My ovaries just took over my brain and nothing would have stopped me from trying to have a baby - although it has been hard starting a business/buying a first home/having a baby.
If you have a baby you will make it work because you have to!
Babies don't need to be expensive AT ALL it's more the loss of income / nursery fees that hurts

I’m made it work

What sort of maternity pay will you get? It’s not clear if you are in the UK or not, so it’s hard to know if this maternity scheme is an enhanced payment or all you would be eligible for. Can you afford to support yourselves on that combined with your dh’s income and for how long? You will need to combine finances to make that work and I would do that first (unless your dh is happy to cover all expenses and your maternity pay is enough to cover your day to day things without causing stress).

Then will you (combined) be able to afford childcare for you to return to your career? Research how much full time childcare is in your area and run the numbers with your projected salaries. Does that seem like something you could live on for 4 ish years until your child is in school?

I had my first at 32 in the middle of a 7 year PhD programme. I had my 2nd after a year in work and went back to a significant promotion after mat leave #2. It’s completely doable but you must have the money for childcare/very helpful grandparents and you must have a partner who is onboard with carrying the load of housework and childcare drop offs and household admin so that you can progress your career too.

If you wait, qualify, start work and do the 18 months required how old will you be when looking to start ttc? 33/4 I'd hang on and get established, 39? No way would I risk it, especially if you know you definitely want children and most likely want more than one.

Do you feel ready to have a child? I think all the other stuff you can muddle along the way but if you aren't actually ready I would wait.

So you are working hard training for a new career.
You are not earning at all.
You live in a small flat.
Your DH isn't ready for DC yet anyway.
Why are you even worrying about this?
You can't even start to try until your DH is ready.
And you should really be financially secure before having DC.

I’ve just had my second child at 35. I wish I had established my career first. To retrain in the career I want with degree costs is about £20k but factor in childcare costs for
2 would be £70k. I cannot afford that and therefore feel trapped and frustrated.

As mentioned earlier, kids are cheap but childcare is the killer. Around here (SE) ft Nursery is £1600 a month for 1 child. Look into local childcare costs.

I would also get a fertility check.

I waited until I was financially settled. It’s only a few months but having a job (and access to maternity and family leave!) is a huge weight off your mind when you have a family.