The law and my Husband are shit 😡

[Rainandspirit]

So quick back story . Found out in June H was sleeping with someone else . Tried to work it out then the beginning of September found out that he had been chatting women online for nearly 3 years and had meet up with about 8 of them. Long story short my marriage is over I wanted him to leave he is refusing to because he wants to stay for the kids. Today I have been told I can’t kick him out and have to wait a year before I can start to legally get him out 😡😡😡.

You don't have to share a room with him, nor do any housework for him. You can lead separate lives and start divorce proceedings with him still in the house.

"Today I have been told I can’t kick him out and have to wait a year before I can start to legally get him out"

Who told you this?.

And what Grambler wrote.

We are in separate bedrooms. And it was a family lawyer that told me. He is refusing to move out and I can’t legally make him move out till we start legal presiding. (I live in Ireland 🙄) so I have to put up with seeing him ever day till the 1st of September next year 🤷‍♀️.

Have you told all his family and friends about his vile behaviour?

Stop doing any cooking or laundry for him for a start.

Do you have a spare room?

No i have only told 2 very good friends. His brother knows and hid advise was to stay and try work things out. We have 5 kids and they are my top concern now. They know that we are spitting up and are very upset and dont want their daddy to go. All they know is that daddy has hurt me very much and has lied to me. I think that he thinks we will get back together. That is not going to happen but i need to make sure that the kids dont get hurt any more then they have to. We are suppose to go on a family holiday the end of October and he still thinks he is coming with us. Even though i have said he is not.

He is in the spare room and i dont do any cooking or cleaning for him.

You poor thing, you're in a horrible situation. Are you in a position to move out with the dc?

I'm sorry OP.

I don't know it works in Ireland, but I do know that I had no right to kick my now ex out of the family home. It was his home as much as mine.
You read all this bollocks about leaving their stuff in bin bags on the front door step and changing the locks, but it's really not that easy.

My ex refused to move out until I bought him out of the home and he had the actual money in his bank account. For the last few months of this period we were actually legally divorced. Bastard just had to cling onto those last threads of control he had. If it hadn't been so awful I'd pity him.

What kept me going was getting out once the kids were in bed and doing sport, having local friends I could just drop in on, my car, the Samaritans.

Tell everyone.
Ensure they know that he is making your life a misery by staying in the house.
One of them might be able to talk some sense into him.
Or you could threaten to tell everyone unless he fucks off!?

can you move somewhere else and bring the kids with you? just as a short term plan, can you look into making him pay the rent as support for the kids, dont know anything about your finances are you working? and then he may see sense of renting a place for one person is a lot cheaper than you having to rent big enough to facilitate all the kids.

i have an Irish friend who was divorced a few years back -so this may not be current law, but she had split from her huband and reconciled twice before eventually discovering other woman before final split she was told she could use date of first split as the relevant date so talk to a lawyer again see if june is really date.

i dont know if ths is good advice but i tghink all you can do is keep reinforcing that in your eyes thsi is over, that involves telling people

If you truly withdraw all marital services (including listening and sympathetic smiles), he may find someone else and move out. It'll sting like hell, but he'll be gone. Treat him civilly, but like a flatmate you aren't fond of, grey rock on info and attempted drama. Hopefully, he'll get bored and leave. When he's voluntarily abandoned the marital home, then you change the locks. Let him challenge it, few do.

Good luck

@Rainandspirit

Ireland is the problem perhaps although it is true that you cannot simply "chuck him out" as @TheOrigBrave says. You have [in England at least] grounds for divorce on unreasonable behaviour [adultery] and here you would simply present a petition and pay the fee of £550. In England there is certainly no need to wait for one year although there are restrictions on claiming a divorce if you have not been married a set time The case goes on from there with the details thrashed out as to the division of property and so on.

The reason that many people do not divorce is that it simply is not practical to do so when the property needs to be split up and so on.

There is quite a lot about divorce in Ireland on line and I suggest that you read it all carefully and see how it applies to your situation.

Check the Citizen's Information website. You could apply for a judicial separation on grounds of adultery.

www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/separation_and_divorce/judicial_separation.html

You could tell him you will have to tell the kids what happened if he doesn't move out. Gently, of course and depending how old they are, but in all honesty it will not do them any good to have him there for a year convincing them he hasn't done anything wrong and you are likely to get back together. He could deliberately turn them against you, too. I think there is a strong argument with being delicately honest with the kids anyway, but he may move out faster if he thinks he can save face with them, and then as you will be living separately it will be clearer to them that you are separate now.

Is there no 'unreasonable behaviour' citation in Ireland?

Chuck his passport away mwahahaha

Under new law coming in the next month or so we can divorce after 2 years apart. (As it stands it 4years at the moment) I ha e to say the year before applying for anything as he will not agree to anything.
Can’t move out with the kids . We live in the country side and no rental available in our area or near by so it would mean moving up to and hour drive from kids schools.
I think it was just a real set back for me today to hear it. I though I was in a good mental state to get things going. The solicitor did say I could send him a letter via them to make him aware that in my eyes the marriage is over and that I would want him to move out but he also admitted that my husband can just ignore it ☹️.
I just need to regroup my head and I will send the letter. At least then even if he doesn’t move out he knows I am serious.
Thanks for advice.

Send the letter saying you want him to move out. Then tell him this every single day: “you are not wanted nor welcome here.”

You may not be able to force him to move out. But he certainly cannot force you to participate in some sort of "working things out". If one party says the relationship is over, it's over - plain and simple. The time limits only apply to the dissolution of the contract you entered into when you married.

I would send him that solicitors letter saying the marriage is over. That might crystallise his thoughts.

Did you only get one solicitor's advice? Isn't it normally recommended to see at least three first to make sure you're getting the best advice from the person most experienced with the set of circumstances you have?

How do you document the start of this one year period? What if in a year he claims there's been no separation of any description and tries to reset the clock?

What about what TheLongRider posted?

I'm really surprised the solicitor you saw didn't mention anything about judicial separation on grounds of adultery.

Hence my question about whether he was the only one you saw. He doesn't sound that brilliant.

thanks for all the advice but I still
Have to be separated for a year before I can take legal action to get him out of the house.
I have sorted in my head and even though it will very hard I just have to put up and keep telling him that it’s over and hope one day he will see it .