Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Child's dad isn't happy I'm getting married

8 replies

melissam96 · 26/09/2019 13:15

Ok so please bear with me on this it's quite long winded.

So myself and my childs dad were together on and off for 8 years or so. We had DD in 2016 and split shortly after but continued to live together - he wanted to keep up the charade of happy families. He was abusive etc etc so keep things on an even keel for time being I agreed to this. Jan 2018 I said I wanted to make it official to everyone we weren't a couple etc etc. He then moved out in March.

I got talking to an old friend, had a slight romantic past with him. Went on a few dates etc and things were going well. To cut a long story short ex has never been fond of my partner. So he wasn't too happy - made all sorts of threats etc etc police had to then be involved.

DP proposed in January and were getting married in October. This may seem fast but we've known each other 9 years and always been in each others lives. Daughters dad kicked off majorly when he found out etc etc.

But the last few months his family have been snooping on Facebook and other social media accounts of my friends and family. We only know this as there's been a few instances where they have accidently either sent a friends request or liked something. Not that anything is really posted publicly anyways but still they're trying to snoop none the less.

My question is what on earth do I do? I don't want him trying to find out every movement of my life. I constantly feel sick with anxiety and just waiting on the next bad thing to happen. I feel like I'm being ridiculous 99% of the time for still worrying. I went on my hen night the other night, DD was going to stay at her dad's and I was worried because I had fake tan on that he might say something?!?

How do I get passed this? And why do his family feel the need to try snoop??

OP posts:
filka · 26/09/2019 16:19

I don't want him trying to find out every movement of my life

Then stop posting it on FB for all to see.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 26/09/2019 16:24

What the fuck has it got to do with him? If you don't want to stop using FB then unfriend and block him and anyone related to/friends with him. But seriously, it's none of his business who you marry as long as your child is happy. I am genuinely baffled as to why you're scared of what he thinks?

hellsbellsmelons · 26/09/2019 16:25

Delete your facebook account.
Ask all your family and friends and block anyone you can think of that could snoop on theirs.

Did you have counselling when your abusive relationship ended?
If not then you need it.
Call Womens Aid and find specialists in your area.
You are still allowing him to control your feelings and thoughts.
You need some help overcoming this.

Do you only communicate with him regarding access to the DC?
How do you know 'he kicked off majorly'?
Who told you?
If he can't do hand overs without interfering in your life then you get your DP to do handovers.
You do not respond to any texts or calls from him unless the messages are regarding access to DC.
If he can't stick to this then get a cheap sim only phone and use that only to communicate with him.

He is still waaaaayyyyy too entrenched your life.
Don't allow it to continue.

TwattingDog · 26/09/2019 16:26

Set your account to as high a set of privacy as possible. Lock it all down.

melissam96 · 26/09/2019 17:00

I very rarely post on social media, I had posted one picture from my hen night so it's not as if I post my full life on it.

He's been deleted and blocked off of Facebook and everything else since the start of last year as have his family but they keep creating new profiles. All our profiles are set to highest possible privacy settings so it's literally if profile pics are changed that's what they've seen/liked or whatever 😂

The only communication we have is in relation to DC. The reason I know he kicked off is because it was at me in person and over text message when he found out about the engagement. This was because he was actually asking round people to find things out.

DP can't be round him threats have been made and previously.

@hellsbellsmelons no never got counselling after it ended, wasn't too sure where to turn in relation to that

OP posts:
Cherrypicker01 · 26/09/2019 17:19

Total lock down social media (and your fiancés), keep mutual friends off there and be wary. No one can snoop if it’s privatised.

Be civil when it comes to DC, keep your partner away from him and then enjoy your life together 👍🏻

IceQueenCometh · 26/09/2019 17:31

Lock down your account. Block all of his family. Job done

CrystalShark · 26/09/2019 18:12

Block him and all of his family, keep your privacy settings as high as they’ll go, don’t put anything personal as your profile picture and get rid of your cover photo. Job done. Doesn’t matter if they keep making new profiles, they won’t be able to see anything if you have your settings adjusted correctly.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page