Hi all,
Sooooo bit long......
I have been with my husband for many, many years ( practically have grown up together) and married seven. We have two boys together 8 and 5. My husband has a successful business and i have a career of my own. We have gone through many personal achievements together and supported each other through these times. We have built a life for our kids that is comfortable and we are very lucky and have worked so hard to get to where we are now with the help of our families.
However, our relationship has been one with very little affection. For the first few years of our relationship my husband was very affectionate; compliments, cuddles and kissing me. This was great and we had a great sex life during this time. Now i know that things dumb down after a few years, but the affection completley disappeared on his part, nothing, absolutely nothing!!!!! i was affectionate for many years and practically begged him to try. I told him my thoughts and feelings and tried everything to rectify this, but still nothing???? this went on for many years, anger, frustration and resentment built up in me until eventually i gave up and accepted that he will never be that way. This effected our sex life massively. But i still loved him and he said he loved me. Our sexual relationship is now non-existent. But when we do on the rare occasion its generally when we have both been drinking (so bad)....
Since having kids our lives have changed dramatically, careers and personal achievements on both parts as previously mentioned.
we are great as a family unit. He is kind, gentle and affectionate with the kids. He loves our children more than anything. I respect him beyond words, but he devalues my contribution to our relationship/family as well as no affection.
Since having the kids he has always used it against me he earns more money and i contribute less. I work part-time and care for our kids and home. This use to be so hurtful, he would always undermine me in-front of people about money contribution and what i do at home. Clearly not enough according to him. He still does it now but I've gone past caring to be honest, it has just drove a further wedge between us. Ive spoken to him about this but he still does it even now!!!! but i think this comes out of frustration for him because we are missing something (elephant in the room)
All bitching aside we have given each other the strength to be well rounded people/parents. I have tried to speak to him about aspects of our relationship over the years but it never changes anything. I have given up hope for our relationship and know i don't want to be with him, the love has gone and all want and need to try to make things work has been exhausted. I have no doubt he feels the same, but he just won't give it up....this makes me feel guilty... for wanting more than what i have.....i mean every other aspect is great?? its crazy!!! on paper we work... but i feel like if i split with him because of my own needs I'm being selfish. I don't want another man in my life....god i couldn't think of anything worse........but i just want to be on my own, take control of my own happiness. I don't know what to do anymore?? there must be other people in a similar situation or was? what did you do?