How do I tell my partner I have no friends?

[Mummytoone909]

Recently dating someone who wants to take things further. He's a very sociable person with lots of friends, always out and seems to be able to make friends very easily.

I'm the opposite, I have no female friends and only a few male friends who I wouldn't really call best friends. I've always struggled with friends, seem to be able to talk really easily with males but when it comes to females I'm awful. I'd say I have social anxiety to an extent but based on appearance, people often assume I'm very sociable and have lots of friends which makes it even worse. And to top it we're both young so there seems to be more pressure to have a large group of friends.

I'm fairly busy with university, looking after my little one and have no family support so making friends isn't easy without being socially awkward and quite introverted on top of it.

Im just so embarrassed he's going to think I'm really strange, especially since he has a very large amount of friends, any advice at all? 😭 It makes me feel like I should cut things off because I'm not like the average person who at least has a few friends!

A very dismissive "ooh I have no time for socialising anymore" followed by a swift topic change it all you need. Don't make it into an issue, it's no big deal really.

FWIW, I don't have any friends either. Lost touch years back ☹️ don't think it's all that uncommon tbf

I also really struggle with friendships. I have no close female friends. I just seem to not be able to get past acquaintances and people aren’t drawn to me. When I first got with DP (10 years ago), I remember being really conscious of the fact and he just kind of asked me one day why I don’t have any...but he was worried about upsetting me more than to criticise me. But I would be worried every time I was to start a new relationship to be honest.

All I can say is that he must see that you are maybe shy/introverted (unless you’re really good at hiding it) and he’s happy with that otherwise he wouldn’t be pursuing the relastionsip. When he clocks on you don’t have friends, if it bothers him, then he’s not the one for you. Important thing is to be open about it when he asks. He might be able to help. His friends may become your friends.

I only have a few friends, but good friends.
Quality over quantity.

Children are a good way to meet friends, but you have to put yourself out there a bit.

Just say, you lost touch as you hAve been so busy with life, but you look forward to changing that as life gets easier.

Just letting him you don't have time for friends. Your child and studies are your priority.

Just curious, how is it going with the boyfriend? I’m newly single and your post sounds like it could have been written by me! Worried about new relationships and the no friends thing.

Well you are busy w college and your kid so it will not seem strange I don’t think. So I wouldn’t worry about it, but yes - good to work on it going forward, as I think a few friends are important else people tend to need too much from partners.

I’m on the other side - I’m mediumly extroverted and have quite a few good friends. My DH of 14 yrs is introverted with a sociable job and has very few friends, and he only sees them rarely. Doesn’t bother me at all. I love him not his friends (or lack thereof) and actually it’s nice that he doesn’t have any ghastly friends I have to put up with.

Please don't worry about it OP. More people are in your position than you realise. I honestly think some locations or countries are harder to make friends in compared to others, especially if you don't fit whatever popular "mould" people are or if you're not a 'small talk' person. Females can also be tricky due to issues like jealousy. You can explain the lack of friends by the demands of having a little child etc . If he's extroverted, your boyfriend is also a good opportunity for you to meet more people and make friends

@Mummytoone909

I think it's also that I don't relate much to females of my age. I've been through a lot of l different experiences to the average person of my age and so find that our general interests and conversations are very different!

The problem is not you then, it's THEM.

I've found a lot of women are only interested in certain things, and conversations just revolve around the same superficial stuff. This is definitely not everyone of course (and some people are fine with more surface level friendships anyway) but it takes time to find your 'tribe'.

I have no friends either. I am introverted but with a gobby exterior to hide my introvercy. My Dad always said if you had two friends in life you could count on you are doing very well but I don't even have that.
BUT the older I get the more people seem to disappoint me. I have tried to have friends and especially female friends (male friends have always been easier) but it just never works out, and I accept this is probably my fault as much as anyone else's but I am 48 now and tbh I can't be arsed trying any more. I am absolutely fine with my own company and never ever bored and DH is the same.

Be you. You are absolutely fine the way you are and you might become friends with some of your new partner's friends, if that is what you want.
If that isn't what you want that's fine too. Everyone is different and we are taught that having a big group of friends if a sign of success but I have been lonelier at times in a big group than I have ever been when I have been alone. Don't get me wrong, I am in awe of people who have big groups of friends they have known forever but it hasn't worked out for me like that.

You're not wieird and I feel there are alot of women in the same situation. When we have kids, work /uni and run a home - where is the time?

While this is very interesting it's a ZOMBIE THREAD from more than a year ago

Have name changed for this as it’s really outing.

I have no ‘close’ female friends, just a couple of people I may occasionally speak to during the school run. My best friend is a young guy I work with, literally 20 years younger than me and we speak maybe for an hour a day, but purely about work. If I told him he was my only and best friend he would be shocked... also the lady who runs my diary at work. That’s it.

My DP however is fairly well known, as in a minor celeb. He has what could be considered as hundreds of friends... but I’ve seen those friends come and go and then only contact him when they need something. It hurts to see him used like this which I think is why I have shut down and closed ranks, and he is beginning to do the same.
If you are happy in your own company then just be happy with yourself. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about

Just to add, your partner is there for you, not for you and your friends. My DP is dreadful in any kind of social situation (very well hidden due to his job) and if he had to socialize with any potential friends I know he would struggle

My DP had no friends when we met. I didn't care at all! We were not together very long and I had been invited for a weekend away. I asked him if he fancied joining us. We had a great time then when we got back he said, only slightly awkwardly "I don't have anyone to take you to see". He didn't offer any explanation or anything. I said "that's cool" and that was the end of that.

Until my recent job i had no close friends nearby, and even then it was like...3. 2 abroad. No one else apart from my sister who i chatted to most days. He's not that social either so prob isnt the best example. But the right guy wont care