Do I leave my 7 year relationship?

[Sdixon44]

I really don't know what to do it's going round and round in my head everyday. We got together I was 18 he was 19 I'm now nearly 26 he be 27 January. ( My first real relationship/ longest)

There has been on going problems between us this past year and half he has began neglecting our relationship not making any effort to take me on dates/ help me around the house with dishes, keep having the same argumnets over and over when I have talked about it to him... he will be alright about a week then goes back to same way agian, spending most of his time in his gaming/man cave.

The thing is I still love him and want to make it work but part of me keeps thinking it will never get better, he is always on his game ( fortnite) alot aswell which adds to me feeling ignored/ unappreciated. I also want more sex than he gives me and gets frustrating sometimes. We are not married and have no children.

Please someone help me to decide my answer! I know only i can figure this out its just so difficult I do love him and look forward to being with him I still want to cuddle and kiss but part of me thinks I could be happier with someone else... How do you decide to stay or go?? I mean he hasn't cheated so I'm finding it difficult to know what to do.... 😞😵😵

Please help with any experience/ advice!

Hi, I don't have much advice but I'm in a similar situation. Except we have a 2 year old and have only been together 3 years. I think about leaving him, but I don't because of our son mostly. He's not abusive, he's just lazy, selfish and spends way too much time playing video games. We don't do date s or anything either... I'm unhappy, we talk about it, nothing really changes.

If it weren't for the fact I got pregnant to this guy I would have left him a long time ago.

So my advice to you would be to leave this man before you become pregnant to him. You are unhappy and I think 7 years is long enough to see if someone makes your life happy or not.

You are still young. I'm the same age as you btw. Go find someone who really cares about and appreciates you.

Get out now. Don't wait until there are children or until things get better, they won't.
You are young enough to have your own life and to live that before settling down.

Thank you very much your advice X it just feels hard to walk away when its all o have known, I love him and want it to to work badly but feel he's never going to change. I look it up on Google and they all talk about trust/cheating/ sexual desire and all is good in that area with us but he just doesn't get my needs as is wanting more dates)spending time together. He too is always on a game/ messy.

You shouldnt be in an unhappy relationship either! Xx

Thank you everyone X it's going be so hard I love him and hurts me I will have to leave :( but know he's not going to change.

What @MikeUniformMike said.

I feel like I can't find the strength 😓 how do I know I won't regret my decision? It seems such lot of time wasted if I still love him? Ahh I'm so confused xx I have told my family and they are saying only I can make the right answer, we have spoke it out and has said watch movie tomorrow night and I'm looking forward to it and this is confusing me all so much! 😵😞 Xxx Thank you everyone so far for your patience and kindness

Sdixon44

What mikeuniformmike wrote.

What do you get out of this relationship now?

Don't get caught up in the sunken costs fallacy (all this about wanting to make it work; you cannot make what is really a failing relationship here work on your own. It has to involve him too and he is not bothered).

P.S Whatisnormalhere - do not stay just because or for the sake of the child. Its a terribly heavy burden to place upon him as well. He won't say thanks mum to you for doing that to him and it will teach him poor life lessons about relationships. Seek a better life for both of you. You deserve better than a lazy and selfish manchild of a man.

You are completely wasting your time and youth on this man-child and you know it. Life passes very quickly, op. You have outgrown him and that will not change. Get out as quickly as possible, please don't wait.

I know I just feel like why is it hurting me this much when I have not even actually ended it yet? I mean I don't want to leave him and that's what I'm finding difficult I don't care about being single/ moving house it's more fact I will never see him again and it makes me upset. He's said he will make more effort me it's just how long am I willing to wait untill something changes? Only i can decide and it's just making me upset I would never see or touch him again :( X feels like I could regret it later down the line when nothing major has happened...

I feel like I can't find the strength 😓 how do I know I won't regret my decision? It seems such lot of time wasted if I still love him?

Again all this is the sunken costs fallacy and that basically causes people to keep making poor relationship decisions. What you're forgetting here is that the damage has already been done.

People get bogged down by focusing on their sunk costs.
There are two ways to understand this process, both involving avoidance. One is an avoidance of disappointment or loss when something doesn’t work out. When a relationship doesn’t succeed, especially after a long period, especially after many shared experiences and especially after developing a hope that the relationship would be a good one, it is a loss. It is a loss of what might have been and an acknowledgement that a part of one’s life has been devoted to this endeavour.

Another angle to evaluate is that focus on “sunk cost” creates a distraction from one’s inner truth. The sentence often goes like, “I’ve already invested to much, so I can’t notice my thoughts and feelings that are telling me to end or change this relationship.”
This is a type of insidious defense against noticing yourself. You enter into a neglectful relationship with yourself which divorces you from your inner thoughts and the quiet feelings that might guide you in your life. In other words, thinking about what already has been may prevent you from deciding what you want your life to be.

You've spent practically all of your adult life in a relationship; do you know who you really are?. I would say love your own self for a change and be single for now. Work out what it is you precisely want from a relationship because it certainly is not this.

Sdixon44

Staying with him actively prevents you from moving on and meeting someone else. Someone who is emotionally mature, someone will put you first and foremost in his life and not make gaming a priority. This current man has in all likelihood told you the same before i.e. I'll make more effort babe. Then within a week he reverts to type and retreats back into his mancave where he can continue playing fortnite to his hearts content.

Do not waste any more of your precious time on such a character; leave him to his gaming because that is what his primary relationship is really with. Its not with you, you are not his priority here and more like an option.

If you leave, it might be enough to get him to step up to the plate. He has no reason to change now and you are enabling him.
You are only 25, do you want to be still wondering the same in 5, 10, 15 years time?
Do you want to be doing all the work when you have children because he probably won't be pulling his weight.

Trust me when I say, you’d be making the right decision leaving him now, before you end up having children with him. Men like this struggle to grow up, believe me I’ve been with one 17 years and I married him and had 2 kids. Lack of effort on his part mainly since marriage has killed it for us, so now going Through separation. You’ll get to a point one day when you can’t take anymore, you love him now and it hurts but one day you’ll start to resent him. You’re still young enough to move on and find someone who deserves you and you can settle down with

Can you imagine growing old with this guy? If the answer is no, then there is no point staying, you are just wasting yours and his life.

Detach yourself a bit and look at the sum total of him and your relationship, as if you were an outsider. And think about another 50 years of this shit.

Still love him?

You need a blunt conversation with him. Tell him how you feel and that you're considering leaving him. Tell him he needs to sell his game console and start stepping up with the housework or it's over. If he can't regulate his time on the computer then he needs tonget rid. What is more important to him?

Probably the computer, so he prepared to kick him out.

I would not be wasting any more time with this man child.
You have told him your not happy. He is unwilling to make any effort or any changes to keep you. I know it hard to end things after been with someone for 7 years but why waste your time in a so called relationship that's going nowhere.
The truth is you have grown up in the past few years and he has not.
If you want to get married/have children you need to find an adult not a man child like him.

Well OP - looking from the outside in, this is a complete no-brainer.
You are so young.
Can you imagine this life when you have children as well?
You will be run ragged!

The thing is I still love him and want to make it work
Well you can't make it work on your own!
If you do want to try then a proper sit down chat is required.
He needs to x, y and z every evening.
You have to have at least 1 date night every 2 weeks.
He steps up with the housework and does his fair share.
He has a certain amount of time gaming but then it's couple time.
I suggest at least 1 night a week you have a night where you cook together. Sit down and eat with no TV and play some board games.
If he can't agree to any of this then it's game over (pardon the pun)

You deserve so much better and you are now coming to realise this.
There is a big wide world out there just waiting for you to discover it.
Don't tie yourself to this selfish asshole.
Time for YOU OP.
Do you know what you like doing?
Do you have a hobby you really enjoy?
Do you go out with friends regularly?
Are you actually enjoying your youth!
It's so true that it's wasted on the young.
So stop wasting it with this loser.
Get out there and LIVE!!!!!!!!