Am I being paranoid and petty?

[soulful22]

I'll try to make this as short as possible. But I need outside unbias advice to help me to understand if I'm being paranoid and petty.

So. Recently I've noticed my partner acting what seems to me to be quite strange. Over Xmas we were fine. And then from February things seemed different. I started to get a gut feeling that he was hiding something or not being completely honest but didn't know what. One day I asked to see something on his phone and he refused to give it to me, showing me the screen from a distance and then when I left the room to do something he appeared to be quickly trying to delete things and when he finished that's when he was able to handle over the phone. Weeks later I suggested To go to the gym with him (because I had the day off work and usually I go to my own gym) he acted strangely and said "what's the point?" (We've been to the gym together before so I don't get why this time was an issue). He lied about where he got the money from to make an expensive purchase (£5000) and if I'd didnt keep asking question he would have left me believing he got the money from overtime at work. It he didn't. He lied to me about having to work late when really he was going to a work drinks meet (which I dont understand why he couldn't have just said that, because I dont ever stop him from going out. I'm always encouraging him to go out or go on a break away) and lastly when I expressed to him about my gut feeling and asked if there was anything going on. He just said he don't know what to say. I have to get over it. And when I asked to see his phone. He just said no I'm not doing this. I asked what does he see for the future for us. And his answer was "well what more is there? We have two kids. Live together. So what else is there..." it was disappointing to hear something so blasé and unenthusiastic. Everytime he's on his phone. If I walk In the room he always switches it off so the screen is blank. I find this all so strange as I'm not one to look over his shoulder at his phone or tell him he can't do things.

I'm a being paranoid and am I wrong to feel hurt and disappointed with lies and dodgy behaviour or am I just blowing things out of proportion?

I still don't feel like things are right. And he says he loves me. But something just doesn't feel right

No that doesn't sound right at all.. he's very dodgey!
I would say he is hiding something. Did you ever find out where he got that money from?
Seems like he doesn't see you going any further with a relationship.
If he didn't have anything to hide he'd let you go through his phone. You've put up with this for a long time. I think you know the answer OP 😕

yes lots of possible red flags there.
could just be workplace flirting, an emotional affair or a full blown one. or nothing.
how do you want to proceed? if you want to play detective then lots of people will have advice.

I know people say to not disrespect his privacy but I'd be checking his phone when he sleeps! He's clearly hiding something and it would be unfair to waste anymore mental space on someone who's up to no good.

You're not being paranoid. He's behaving suspiciously and you've picked up on that. You are not wrong to feel the way you do. You're not feeling this way for nothing.

Your instincts are there to protect you.

I’ve been in a very similar situation before but with no kids involved. I kept noticing his behaviour around his phone, wouldn’t let me use it to make a call or whatever. This went on for months and he took it everywhere, even put it in his pocket to put the bins out etc. I hated myself for feeling like I was going mad so one night I checked it and found a picture of a girl in her underwear, selfie type. He shrugged it off and said it was a photo his mate had sent as a joke. Fast forward 1 month and my friend calls from the pub saying she has just been chatting to a girl we went to school with, turns out her boyfriend is my boyfriend...they worked next to each other and she was told by him that we had split up. My instincts have never ever failed me, I doubt yours are..

He admitted the money came from his parents. So I really don't get why that was a big secret.
He's got finger print password and recently put a new number code.

I don't know what else to do ... how can you break things off without any real evidence?

He's been lying and evasive that's reason enough as is "I don't want to be with you anymore".

And they say romance is dead! What a chivalrous guy! Your gut feeling should be evidence enough to end it

I agree with the others- sounds totally dodgy.