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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating advice needed please help!

8 replies

PaintingQueen · 25/09/2019 13:55

Dating again after a long break after abusive relationships. Had therapy and feel ready to try again.

I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for the past month. He’s sweet, kind, considerate, we talk every day and he seems perfect.

My only concern is he’s been quite full on, wanting to be exclusive and talking about having strong feelings for me already. I said I need him to slow down and he agreed, but we’ve agreed to be exclusive and not talk to or date anyone else.

Yesterday we were texting and he had to go, saying “I loved hearing your voice today”.
I replied with confusion as we hadn’t spoken or sent any voice messages.

He made a joke saying he meant he was sad I hadn’t sent him a voice message. 🤷‍♀️

This didn’t make sense so I asked if he had sent that message to me by mistake and meant to send it to someone else?

He replied with some ‘jokey’ texts about having so many women on the go but I’m the only one he really wants.

I was fuming and felt that he had been talking to someone else and had made a mistake sending me that message. We talked about it later on and he said he just used the wrong words, and meant it was nice to talk to me (by text), and used the wrong words saying nice to hear my voice instead. And that he now realises joking about it after was the wrong thing to do, but that he isn’t talking to anyone else.

My gut tells me he is lying. His explanation just doesn’t add up for me. But do I really throw this otherwise wonderful guy away for potentially simply using the wrong words??? Am I stil hurting from being cheated on in the past and assuming he will do the same? Or does his explanation sound reasonable to anyone else?

I’d be interested in other opinions please 🙏

OP posts:
BobbyNewport · 25/09/2019 14:22

Yeah, sorry. I think he's lying too.

Bin him off.

loveyoutothemoon · 25/09/2019 14:28

Sounds like he's lying but difficult to know.

Jaffacakebeast · 25/09/2019 14:29

Listen to your gut

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2019 14:32

Yeah, he's involved with someone else.

Techway · 25/09/2019 14:35

Yes, he is definitely lying and trying a number of ways to spin the story.

I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for the past month. He’s sweet, kind, considerate, we talk every day and he seems perfect

He isn't perfect and believing that from the outset is concerning as your guard is lowered. If he seems too good to be true, then he probadly is. Your instincts are trying to warn you as he is rushing things and now you have caught him lying.

If at this stage you are on a site trying to figure of he is trustworthy then the answer is...he isn't.

It will take 2 years to figure out if he is actually a decent person or just acting like a decent person. On the basis of him lying I would finish with him. Don't feel regret just be glad you caught him out early on.

Badolddays · 25/09/2019 14:46

Yes the text was intended for someone else.

PaintingQueen · 25/09/2019 18:31

Thank you very much to everyone who has replied. That has been incredibly helpful and I really appreciate it, thank you 😊

OP posts:
Aminuts23 · 25/09/2019 18:36

I agree. He’s lying.

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