How do I leave him?

[Louiselouie0890]

I'm tired of crying I'm tired of trying I'm just tired.

Truth is I've outgrown him, I want a partnership not another child. The only thing he has passion for is his xbox. I took over his job ( we work for rye same company) as he was close to being fired, so now I'm doing his job my original job and running the house and looking after 3 kids.

Apparently asking him to Hoover while I'm in work and he has 6 hours to himself is me belittling him or in his words he doesn't have a vagina.

He told me the house is cleaner than I ever had it. I never cleaned when it was me that was off I just sat on facebook apparently.

I'm sick of his debt I'm sick of begging for his love. He granted me I shit you not 15 minutes chat time a day when he decides to come to bed. Dickhead me would sit and wait for him. I have to upstairs when his gaming time starts.

Apparently our 4 year old son is weird because he thinks everyones his best friend. Didnt come to his very first day of school because hes "got the whole year to see him" apparently the hour extra in bed was worth more.

He doesn't see what hes like. He plays on my emotions and tries to make me think it's me as he knows I over think things.

I have no savings no family nothing.

I'm sick of his shit. I'm sick of him and I want to leave and be treated how I deserve to be.

Just how do I do it?

are you in rented or owned?

Won't hoover because he 'doesn't have a vagina'!?!?

I would put him out for that attitude alone. Especially considering you have a young son who shouldn't be around that attitude.
Let alone his dads criticisms.

He's cold, lazy and mysoginistic and he's draining the life put of you. So what are you waiting for? Get shot of him.

I'm private renting I cant get on the council as I'm not being made homeless and I cant afford a deposit to go somewhere else. I know I need to leave I'm finally tired of it Im finally tired of trying again and again I cant stand to think his attitude rubbjngnoff on my children, I just dont know how to leave.

Whose name is on the lease?

Do you work?

Sorry I see you do work. Here's what I'd do...call your Land Lord and ask about having his name taken off the lease if it is on there.

If it is not on there, so much the better.

Call SHELTER for more advice.

Can you think long term and start putting away a little money in secret.

Is there a point where things will get easier financially? Maybe when all the kids at school or something.

Please leave he's draining you! Could you not just stay at a friends for a while with the kids? Or just pack his bags one day when he's gone out and change the locks while the kids are at school!

Maybe get in touch with police and see their intake on things? They might know the best way around it? X

If you have the tenancy in your name, you can ask him to leave. If it's joint, you'll need to give notice etc. As pp said, speak to Shelter for advice. They have an online chat.

Would family help you with a deposit or put you up temporarily?

I don't really understand about you doing his job and your own - are you covering up for him or have you been given his role officially? If the former, stop and let him be fired. Let him fail. Do your own role.

You can speak to Women's Aid as well as he sounds like he bullies you and is abusive.

Thank you for the replies, he is a bully theres so much more he does it would just take forever to write it.

Were both on the lease I have started to put a little away it would just take a few years to get a deposit together. I fear he will be nice again and o fall for it everytime thinking this time will be different.

Officially i have the job he had. I thought it would be better but now I'm doing mine and his as of he gets sacked we would be in trouble financially I'm petrified of it so I just keep doing it because I know he wont.

He knows I'm nervous of it and he plays on it.

The same thing keeps happening again and again. Hes horrible then the next day its like absolutely nothing happened and he says what you on about your just being dramatic. It's a mind fuck.

Practically what you need to do is get a plan. Check on entitled to, to see what benefits you'd be able to claim without him. Find out when your tenancy expires and speak to the landlord to see if they would be willing to keep you on as a sole tenant. It would be worth you talking to women's aid to see what practical support is out there for you.

You can't go on like this. Just think what an appalling example he is showing your son.

You will need to be strong and not listen to the lies when he says he'll change, you know they are just that, lies!

Has he distanced you from family or old friends? This is a common trick of abusive partners, it leaves you feeling that having anyone is better than no one. Do you have old friends? Can you reconnect with them?

You can get out of this and you and your son would be much happier. Fancy on,y having one job to do and only yourself and your son to look after!

Don’t leave. Tell HIM to leave.

He has family he can go to right?

He’s a bully. You know this now. Keep this thread so you can look back. Start to make a plan. What are your options? If you kicked him out you could claim single persons allowance? Council tax reduction? How much child benefit do you get. Research all the benefits and allowances. Make a spreadsheet. Go to the council/benefits office and get advice. If you told him to leave what would happen? It’s not your job to provide for him or work out where he goes. If you said “I don’t want to be with you anymore, you need to leave” what would happen next? Work through the scenarios. You are earning and paying everything anyway right? What loss would it be? None.