younger sisters plastic surgery

[lookingouttosea]

I need advice about how to communicate with my sister in a non-judgmental way when I thoroughly disapprove of (or, at the very least, am very concerned about) her lifestyle. She is young and beautiful but has undergone extensive and dangerous plastic surgery to obtain this mad barbie-like appearance.

She's still not happy. She obsesses over her looks and while she has so many talents and qualities more than her looks that is all she cares about, focuses on and projects.

She is in an "industry" where she has got paid on the basis of her looks but this cannot last...is age dependent. I worry that over time she will have more and more procedures. If it made her happy that would be fine but she is, according to her, depressed and anxious.

She also idolises money, fame and projecting this insane image of wealth and success, living far, far beyond her means. I find it so hard to talk to her because she values nothing that I value and vice versa. If I try and suggest she does other things, maybe take up a hobby or try something new, or that she doesn't need to change her looks she doesn't listen. She thinks I am old (I am, I'm 40!) and she would "never allow herself to get a wrinkle" ( have many!). She loves my children, her 3 nieces, but I also worry about how she influences them (I don't want them to ever follow this path), although of course I would never say.
I love my sister but the values-clash stops me from communicating with her.
Any advice welcome.

How old is your sister? Does she have a husband/partner?

I had a close friend who went through a phase of obsessing over her appearance in her late-teens. Not to the extent of plastic surgery, mind. But her mindset was that being beautiful was the most important thing, and one couldn’t possibly be happy if they were ugly. She just couldn’t see outside of that very narrow box. Sounds like your sister is similar. I think it is bordering on a mental illness - it’s not normal to obsess over something so much that it takes over your life. :/

She needs something more fulfilling in her life to focus on. Does she have any other interests, apart from
beauty? I suppose it’s tricky when she works in the industry, and is surrounded by it all the time...

She is young and beautiful but has undergone extensive and dangerous plastic surgery to obtain this mad barbie-like appearance.

She's still not happy. She obsesses over her looks

Sounds like body dysmorphia to me. It doesn't matter how many times they 'fix' something, they'll never truly be happy with their appearance. Sadly, the culture we're living in now is driving this in a lot of young girls and women, it's really sad. There's too much pressure to 'fit in' and be like everyone else, hence the alarming number of 20 something year old's who look hard faced and the same as each other. How old is she?

It's a tricky one to try and help her with tbh, because she won't want to hear it unfortunately.

*By hard faced, I mean unnecessary botox and fillers at such a young age, not as in moody and stern

I have a friend who is very into her appearance, has Botox, exercises obsessively etc. We couldn't be more different in this respect (I'm not bothered about fashion and rarely wear make up) but we get on well in other ways so we just don't discuss the subject. We respect each other's opinion even though we don't agree!

I'd approach it this way:

When she admits that she's anxious and depressed. I'd ask her to have therapy before she has another surgery and then if after therapy she still wants more surgery, then she should go ahead. It might make her think a bit if she has to wait and obviously, the therapist might be able to help her so she might not want any more anyway.

OP like you say you have different values, so it's maybe comparable to siblings having different politics say?
The examples you give of not being able to talk to your sister are all to do with you trying to get her to see the 'error' of her ways, but surely there must be topics of conversation that don't have to centre around that?

I say appreciate her for the positive qualities she has, and refuse to engage with her about the issues you don't agree on. If she comes to you moaning about things, tell her she needs a therapist's help, and you hope she gets it because it's clear she's not happy. Expressing how much you disapprove of certain aspects of her lifestyle is pointless. Any changes she makes have to come from her.