Sense line manager is going to throw me under the bus. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Feeling stressed and alone!

[HeyMikeya]

I have a line manager who is difficult to deal with. I don’t want to go into what my job is for privacy, hope that’s ok.

I work in an office, it’s competitive, there’s a lot of pressure.

My line manager seems to do whatever she can to blame those underneath her when things go tits up. Today she has raised something that she wants to discuss this week - it’s something that she certainly should have checked and possibly I should have raised, if I am being critical of myself. But ultimately she was in charge of this particular project and she ‘ran’ in on its final completion, where she should certainly have checked this point. I’m not massively concerned about this bit as I presume she is also aware that she has messed up a bit. BUT I know she will use this when pay review comes and to block any promotion.

How do you deal with this? I used to be good at fighting back as I know workplaces can be horrible places sometimes and full of office politics. But these days I don’t want a big fight and actually it makes me feel very stressed that I have to deal with this.

Does anyone have any works of advice as to how to deal with this, or similar stories just to make me feel less alone tonight? I’m probably thinking the worst but having far more anxiety about it than I usually would in this sort of situation.

Words not works!!

Do you need to be promoted or get a pay raise? Is your current pay etc. untenably low?

Worst case, how easy would it be for you to find other employment?

Depending on the answers to those questions, I'd probably advise you to just let the meeting happen. Let he do whatever she does, who cares. As long as you have an income it doesn't really matter.

It's really important in competitive offices not to drink the kool aid, as it were. You don't to be liked and you DEFINITELY don't have to be perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn't matter. Let bosses have their emotions and do their stupid political shit, and you just smile and nod and keep collecting those wages.

Look for opportunities to transfer to another team? Spruce up the CV and look around at what else might be out there. And what rvby says - if worst comes to worst, you'll be in the same job on the same pay for a bit longer - you're not running the risk of being fired or anything, so breathe.

Thanks for replying.

I want a pay rise in the not too distant future. I don’t need one in the sense that I am hugely underpaid, but I am good at my job and feel like she constantly undermines this by passing on any of her own errors to those beneath her.

I want to be promoted because (dare I say it!) I have that competitive streak and feel that I am capable of the next stage. But if I set those competitve feelings aside then it would be very simple to nod and go along with it all. I think that’s where I want to get to really but it’s hard to shake off the upset when something like this happens as deep down it does bother me.

I could probably find another job but could do without the upheaval!

Corporate competing requires you to develop a kind of zen like approach where you learn to let go of things you can't control, and work calmly and confidently on the things that you can control.

It's that or you lose your marbles over it, and I don't think that's what you want to do!

So you want to be promoted and make more money. OK, fair enough.

Is being competitive and anxious going to help you with that?
Do you find that senior leaders that you admire typically come across as anxious and competitive? What personal qualities do you usually see them display?

Think through your emotional responses and really decide whether you are going to get what you want, by indulging in these feelings.

Another way to look at it:
Remember you don't actually need more money. And you don't need to be promoted. You want those things.

You are currently stressing out about things that you don't actually need. Things that are also really unlikely to make you happier, more fulfilled etc.

Think carefully about where you invest your emotional energy. It's not an unlimited resource. Be wise, be clear about how you want to feel in the future (this is different from things you want to own, amount of money you want to make, etc), and make conscious choices to get there.

Thank you that’s really really helped me. You’re completely right, I have almost got drawn into this competitive atmosphere where every little thing carries huge significance. I do want to progress but actually so what if it didn’t go as planned. There’s far more important things in life. Thank you for helping me get that much needed perspective for tonight!!

If you are confident she will act this way, is there any way you can kind of pip her to the post with it? Perhaps prepare a document which outlines learning points from this element and outline a process which could be introduced to prevent it happening again? Make sure others are present when it is suggested, or the document is circulated from you to other people as well as her ahead of the meeting or straight after?

I don't know if that would be feasible in these circumstances but in my place of work there is actually just as much weight placed on acknowledging mistakes and putting processes in place to prevent them in the future, at review time that would actually mean more than the mistake itself. It's a regular interview question in our place of work!

Sorry if this is totally irrelevant in your circumstances!

Gosh I’ve been there before, first I thought I was going crazy, then I started writing everything down so I had a record of everything that they could potentially trap me with, the next thing I was having panic attacks in the toilet.

You spend a huggeeee majority of your life at work. Your job will be the first thing it forgets when you get replaced, and the last thing you remember when you take your last breaths in this life. We get too much shite and drama at home to put up with it in work as well.

Is it honestly worth the hassle? I eventually left the place I was getting so much grief over and kicked myself afterwards for not doing it sooner!

*you will be the first thing your job forgets - sorry for the typo!

OP, I can't offer useful advice, but I do know how awful it is to have a manager who doesn't have your best interests at heart and doesn't have your back. Sorry you've got this situation.

Commiserations from here too. My manager can twist anything around to suit him. It has taken me a while to learn how manipulative he is but I am now job hunting as a result. It's just not worth the stress.