My mom friend doesn’t make effort to meet up

[TheIcecreamLady]

Hey everyone. So I have two kids 3.5 and 15 months. I have this good friend I would say, I mean she’s always helped me when I needed it and so did I. She has 4 kids and is a stay at home mom. We really have a good time together whenever we meet up and enjoy each others company, so do the kids. The issue is that she never initiates to meet up or go to the park but always is happy to do so if I initiate it. For example yesterday was her daughters birthday and even though she didn’t have a party she had cupcakes and cake for the family. She didn’t invite me and the kids over until i said happy birthday in the afternoon. I always give her a heads up a few days before if I have an event like that. I want to continue our friendship because I really enjoy it but that kinda puts me off. What do you guys think?

Some people (like me) are happy just to plod along in their own little world and when they get invited to do something they are happy to do it. It sounds as though your friend is like this. Look, the options are, accept her for what she is or don't be her friend any more - you can't change people and if you criticise her you'll lose the friendship probably.

You could be talking about me. Kids are hard work mentally. She probably doesn't have the mental energy to keep her social life active and the social line of four children going. You enjoy her company so I don't see what the big deal is. Is it worth losing a friendship over?

I’m not criticizing her or trying to change her. It just makes me wonder if she enjoys the friendship as much as I do

You're offended you weren't invited to a family party? I could imagine being hurt if it were a full on child's birthday party full of additional friends etc. But some cake at home with family? I think a little perspective is required.

I'd assume you're an organiser and enjoy social outings?

I'm an introvert and find such interactions draining.So I pick and choose invitations. Add 4 kids to the mix and it could be difficult.

I'm sure she must enjoy the friendship OP otherwise she'd make excuses not to go out with you. As long as your happy to suggest stuff and she's happy to go along then i'd say that was quite a nice little friendship. Accept it for what it is.

Yes I am offended. It was just her with the kids and her mother in law. We shared a house at one point, her kids come over for sleepovers so yes I would have thought she would invite us at least the day before.

She's not that into you OP...

Keep it friendly, keep it light but cut down the invitations, never give too much of yourself and make sure your expectations of her are rock bottom. I have way too much experience of being disappointed by these pleasant but flaky and unreliable people.

I don't think you should expect to be invited to a casual family birthday tea.

Is she just a very busy person?

She doesn't sound like you. Maybe you are the type to have a live in each other pockets/open door policy, and she isn't. Some people just like to live their lives without constant contact.

Maybe your kids are a bit wild or hers are and it's hard work. Who knows. To take offense at a small family party is a bit full on OP. Accept her for who she is or move on and find a new friend.

It's a family party, maybe she feels by inviting you she would need to invite others as well. No one is obliged to do anything.

Thanks everyone for your answers