Bereft Empty Nester - Uni fresher

[Raincoatnoknickers]

DD18 flew last week, I'm so pleased for her. I recall those years as the best of my life and I never looked back.
However her last summer with us was terrible. She went briefly off the rails had been struggling with depression and misuse of drink, had tonnes of professional support and after full disclosure with her intended Uni, it was agreed she should start with adjustments. I feel a mix of relief, anger and deep sadness. I know I will get over it in time. I was just wondering how other parents are feeling at this stage and what you suggest to picking up life's pieces once they're gone? Any thoughts, tips and shared experiences, words of hope & inspiration or just a good old mutual mope appreciated! 😁😢

raincoatnoknickers they aren't gone!! If your DD is anything like mine, she will be back periodically (and for Christmas and other holidays!) bringing a suitcase full of dirty washing, leaving lights on everywhere, complaining that your house is cold (whilst wandering around in shorts and t shirt!), staying up all night and sleeping in next morning. Oh and I forgot - not cooking or washing up "because I do all that at uni and need a break from it when I'm home"

When my youngest left home at 16 to go to college, her friend made her a montage of photos of their friendship and set it to "Only One Call Away" - still can't hear that song without welling up!

It won't take long for you to appreciate the peace rather than hate it, to appreciate that when you leave for work or out for the day, when you get back the house will be just as neat as when you left it. That lights are only switched on in rooms being used. That you won't come in to random plates, mugs and cutlery left on the side!

.....oh god, thanks @Blobby, I'm now feeling like a need to grasp every second of sane absence before the homecoming! 😬.....stead of sitting here moping!

I have one friend (male) who complained bitterly that when his DS flew the nest his wife just stopped making any meals for him, it was like he didn't exist or register in his wife's mind any longer....."what about me?" he'd ask her......perhaps I'm cruel, but I found that kind of funny 😁😂

Can you book yourself a night away or holiday, to have something to look forward to?

I second what Blobby said. Mine spends more time at home than at uni. Arrives with masses of washing, eats me out of house and home. I felt very sad when she first went off but she had a false start at another uni and ended up taking an unexpected gap year so I am really pleased it's worked out so well this time. Also the bonus is they really do grow up. She's matured immensely the last couple of years and is transitioning into a fully fledged adult.

Can you try some new hobbies in the meantime? I took up yoga and absolutely love it, so does my poor back!

I really wish I could be in your shoes tbh. My son is 19 with severe cerebral palsy. He'll never attend university or do any of the other developmentally appropriate major life events his peers can. Perhaps you and your daughter can face time regularly? Maybe she can visit during uni holidays? Maybe you can visit her on a weekend? I'm sure it has to be tough to have an empty nest

@EKGEMS ....thanks for your kind words. I hope your DS brings you a special joy in your life 💐 Yes I'm seeing her in a month. Not the other end of the earth but it is 5 hours on the train ....so a schlepp.

Oh yes he's my ray of sunshine! Five hours is a long haul! Glad you'll see her soon!