New to dating - how to handle the rejection?

[Memyselfandeye]

Newly divorced. Just started dating. Told myself I didn’t care at all and it was all for fun. Had kind of a 3 night ONS with an acquaintance visiting from Spain. Day 4 of his trip (when we’d planned to get together again) he disappeared. Theoretically I really shouldn’t care because I told myself I was completely disinterested and only in it for the physical side.

I feel bloody awful though. Fantastic 3 nights, showered with compliments and then a kind of half baked text about going elsewhere and never heard from him again.

I felt bloody fantastic until that happened and now just feel gross and desperate.

Is this how it’s going to be in the dating (or casual dating) world now?

I tried to do casual but found that it didn't work for me. As soon as I slept with someone, I caught feelings (and I didn't want to sleep with anyone I had no feelings for). So then reverted to only sleeping with someone I wanted a relationship with. The last guy I slept with I was in a relationship with for about 5 months but even so I should have not slept with him so quickly as it made me overlook things which I shouldn't have.

So, my advice is to get to know men and date them a while before you dtd.

I need to remember that one Rusti. I can’t believe how horrid I feel (after tell myself I couldn’t care less). Last time I felt like this I was a teenager and was upset because the boy from the year above me dumped me!

OLD is tough very different to dating years ago. You need a thick skin and even then it's a mine field. There's good guys out there you just have to wade though the others!!
Read the dating thread here number 170 I think. Sorry not sure how to add the link. Read an re read the rules on the thread they are so true.
Good luck

I can understand how you feel. I've been in a similar situation. What I've learnt is that I'm not cut out for flings.

Give yourself a bit of time to get over this. There are some good guys out there. When you are ready you could try dating again

Really?

You sound as if you are old enough to realise how relationships like this mostly work out. You must have had friends or colleagues or read online about others who experienced just this type of let down.

Just because you are divorced does not give you a get out of jail card from jumping straight into a relationship and then expecting it to last happily ever after.

You had a great few nights but I am a bit bemused how, at this stage of your life, that you expect that a guy that beds you for 3 nights with no previous history of being interested in a relationship with you is suddenly going to want one.

Best of luck in future and hopefully you will learn from what must have still been an enjoyable experience.

I think it always stings a bit when its the other person who does the dumping (or disappearing). Even if you know its just physical, or a bit of fun. Its a dent to the ego at the end of the day. We kid ourselves it doesn't mean anything but any type of rejection is hard to swallow.
I think you just have to be clear in your own mind what you want before getting involved with anyone. Don't 'kid yourself' you just want fun if you really want more deep down.

It's like that in the dating world, unless you value yourself. Set yourself boundaries. Live within them, don't get pushed about. Then you'll be ok.
Put this one down to a small mistake, we make them!