Wanting to get married

[Frickinfabulous]

Twenty three years together, two grown up girls, I've always said after ten years ago when I wanted to get married I'm not bothered now, but I am! I'm 47 and been with my OH twenty odd years, I would like to call him my husband? Last time we spoke about it he said it was more about the money cost of a wedding. But how much does it really cost? We are financially great, late forties, kids on their way, if not now when?

It doesn't cost a lot...a few hundred pounds at the cheapest. Registry offices are very affordable and you can have two guests and a nice dinner out afterwards.

Tell him that and see what he says.

I've just booked my wedding today. Can't afford and don't want a big "proper" one. Nice looking registration office in a country house, back to either my house or a restaurant afterwards for food and chat. It'll be about £250 total including the food.

So money isn't really an excuse not to get married, especially if you're financially stable!

Would he consider a civil partnership instead?

Sorry, he doesn't want to marry you. It does not need to cost a lot to marry, it's his excuse.

Getting married costs a couple of hundred. If you want a ‘wedding’ party then it will cost as much as you want to spend depending on how many people etc but he can’t use the cost as an excuse not to get married, as that’s the cheap bit!

He’s clearly happy and committed to you if you’ve been together this long. What’s the matter with him?!

Just go to the registrar, that doesn't cost much. You can have a party at a later date, either at home or in a pub depending on your finances. It'll be great!

Can heterosexuals have civil partnerships?

Of course it doesn’t cost much, assuming you don’t want a big show off wedding, you can go to the register office, sign the paperwork & be done in 10 minutes, that’s what my DPs did over 60 years ago , still happily married.

Many people say they can’t afford it because they mean they can’t afford a big celebration or as an excuse because they actually don’t want to be married.

I'm not sure, that's why I posted it! I do know we are in it now for the long haul, both had wobbles in the last few years, I won't drip feed, he was unfaithful five years ago, we worked it out, l went off and did my own thing, a relationship with a younger man, after six months apart we realised we wanted to be together, so we got back together, kids were overjoyed, both at uni by then, mum and dad back together. We are very good together just I now want to get married! He just doesn't seem the point, I've asked if it's me, no he loves me, nobody else , and I do know that that, but! I want the marriage, the security, the after twenty years of ups and downs finally saying we are married! I know it doesn't matter but I'm definitely feeling this, not even a big fuck off wedding, something small, just me him the kids and family

£46 in a non religious register office.

I'm going to put it to him tonight, just ask if we can do a small ceromany somewhere, his reaction will tell me I suppose x

I think after twenty years, all the ups and downs we still want to be together, I just want it to be official, I'm more wanting it though

You’re the second woman on Mn tonight who sounds like a sorted adult, apart from the fact that you’re behaving as though marriage is in a man’s gift to bestow on a woman. This is not Prince Charming swanning about with a glass slipper, this is someone you’ve spent most of your adult life with, and who definitely has feet of clay. Why are you tiptoeing around the issue?

Trenchcoated
Yes, I get what you are saying, absolutely, I'm definitely the catch, but I want to be married to the man I love, it's as simple as that,I don't think he's as into it as I am?

And I need to ask why!

Sorry, OP, I didn’t mean to sound so snide. I was just struck by the fact that you sounded as if you were sounding someone out for a massive favour!

But just for another point of view, I never wanted to get married. We’d been happily together forever, and I adored and adore him, but marriage didn’t appeal. In the end I did marry him, because it meant a lot to him, but left to myself, i’d Have continued as we were. Your DP may feel like me.

Sorry, he doesn't want to marry you. It does not need to cost a lot to marry, it's his excuse

Agreed! Generally men that say ‘I don’t want to get married/don’t see the point’ just don’t want to be married to their current DP. In situations where the couple break up after 20 years you see the guy go on to marry the next woman a year in to the relationship.

I disagree that ALL men who don't want to marry don't want to be with their partner. Some don't like the idea of the tradition and ritual, others are rebels and see it as conforming too much.

However...a good man will put that aside to make his partner happy. I think the men who avoid it for nefarious reasons are usually trying to protect their wallets.

It doesn't cost fuck all to get married if you just go to the registry office. Seems to me he simply doesn't want to be married, for financial reasons, I'm sure. He wants to be able to leave you high and dry any time he chooses.

£70 for you to give notice (£35 each).
£46 for a statutory ceremony.
£11 for a marriage certificate.

A grand total of £127 for a completely legal, albeit simple, wedding ceremony.