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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What’s wrong with me?!

2 replies

Stripes66 · 23/09/2019 19:39

I’ve been with my partner for 11 years and we have two children. When we met I was absolutely head over heels, couldn’t get enough of him! He was the most beautiful man I’d ever met. We’ve had plenty of ups and downs over the years, especially since having our children who are 8 now. Not long ago I nearly left him because he and I were not getting on at all. I can honestly say I really didn’t like him. He’s got a very stressful job and at one point it was making him a vile person to be around with bad moods that drained me and the children. He’s pulled himself through and has now been promoted which is great because he’s finally being recognised for what he’s doing. He works incredibly hard and I’m proud of him for that. I also work full time in a stressful job and so when times were tense at the weekends, life felt like an absolute drain. Like I say, it’s better now but I do worry about what might happen if things ever go back to that. He’s a good team player. He works long hours but will get home, make dinner, walk the dog and muck in. We have been trying to sell our house for a long time because we want a new area and to find our ‘home.’ Our houses that we’ve bought until now we’re stepping stones for this next move. We’ve finally sold and bagged a beautiful house in a village that we both love. But I’m scared shitless. I keep getting scared about committing to it. I worry about moving our children away (although I don’t like the area that we’re in and want to move away) and then splitting up and rerouting them again and messing them up. I worry about losing money if things ever go back to how they were when things were bad. There are days that I’m still resentful of him and don’t fancy him at all and then there are days when we cuddle and we’re close and we laugh. My sex drive is really low and I don’t like the idea of it most of the time. I worry that this means I don’t fancy him anymore but then I don’t like my body much after the kids so maybe it’s me?! The idea of sex can sometimes repulse me. But when we get on and things are good, I can feel different but not very often. I did have a very childhood and worry that I’m very insecure about my relationship because of not knowing what’s normal?! We moved a lot when I was a child and saw my mum lose everything and I don’t want that to happen to me. I know I sound completely crazy but I’m so scared about something that should be so exciting and something that I’ve wanted for so long. What’s wrong with me? I don’t want to live like this. I want to look forward and get excited. I do have days of absolute excitement about it but then the day after it can turn to absolute fright and feeling sick with worry. I don’t want to live my life on hold, putting things off in case but I don’t want to be in a situation like being stuck or feeling trapped. What’s the matter with me?!

OP posts:
redastherose · 23/09/2019 22:44

It sounds like you had to pick up all his slack when he wasn't coping with his job and you've probably never actually thoroughly discussed how that made you feel and whe things improved you didn't want to rock the boat. It's understandable to be nervous about making a big move and even more so in these circumstances. Perhaps you need to discuss your feelings either alone with a Counsellor or go to marriage counselling so you can actually make him realise what an effect hat period had on you too.

RandomMess · 23/09/2019 22:48

Forgiveness takes time, took me years to really forgive DH for being a massive dick. Longer than he was a dick for!

These days the the times when I feel resentful are very very few and far between.

Agree a decent therapist can really help. I had actually planned to leave it was that bad.

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