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Original poster

Feeling stalked!!

14 replies

summer151 · 23/09/2019 12:30

My stbxh since we split up over 18 months ago still tries to control me and I feel like he is always looking to know where I am and what I'm doing. He does this by constantly texting me about the kids and if I don't get bk to him shortly after he texts he rings and keeps ringing to speak to them then he says to put mammy on the phone and asks me wat I'm up to and why it took so long to answer. I recently turned off my last seen on wats app as every time I was on it he would ring me or ask why I was on it at 11pm etc. He just texted a while ago to ask why I turned off my last Seen!! I'm fuming as it's none of his business!! I'm supposed be going out Friday with with a friend but I'm so afraid he will be ringing and texting and will find out I am out. Do I just tell him I'm going out. I feel like it's none of his business. It's putting my off going anywhere though Does anyone have any advise on what I should do? Tia

OP posts:
Gottobefree · 23/09/2019 12:33

Do not tell him anything. Silence his calls unless he has the children with him.
He is very controlling.... not sure what else you can do but build up lots and lots of walls between you both. Best of luck.

Joe2019 · 23/09/2019 12:36

Why do you respond?

snowbear66 · 23/09/2019 12:57

I don't think you need to tell him that you are going out.
How about if you get a new phone no. then also get a cheap pay as you go phone and give him that number only. You could switch it off between 9pm-9am and just answer texts twice a day at your choosing.
If he calls your child get her to reply 'mummy doesn't want to speak to you she will text you later'.
Tell him straight- "What do you want now?" ...."You are calling me too much and it's getting on my nerves"......"I want more privacy from you"....."I only want to communicate about the kids from now on"..."I don't want you to call me so much anymore" etc in an angry voice to make it clear to him it's unacceptable.

Windydaysuponus · 23/09/2019 12:59

Get a cheap phone for dc related texts.
Block him from your phone. He does not need 24/7 access to you.

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 23/09/2019 13:13

Send him something in writing that says you are formally notifying him that you will only be corresponding (text, email etc) with him regarding arrangements for the children. He is to stop frequent texting, and he must not ask to speak to you when he calls the children. Let him know if he continues you will consider it harassment, you will document everything and take whatever formal steps are necessary to stop it. Send it Royal Mail Signed For to get proof of delivery.

Definitely do not give him advance warning of any nights out.

MulticolourMophead · 23/09/2019 14:10

You can also create an email solely for him to communicate with you about the DC.

You could combine it with TheRobinIsBobbingAlong's message and tell him all comes will be via email and only about the DC, and then block him on SM and on your phone, WhatsApp, etc.

wuddenyalike2know · 23/09/2019 18:10

How old are your kids? My friend got his kids a phone so his ex could call them directly and voce versa. The kids phone was on after school until bedtime and in the morning until bedtime during the school holidays. He communicated with her only via email so it was all in writing unless of course it was an emergency which isn't often if ever. Perhaps this would work. You can always block his number on WhatsApp so he can't see you at all.

wuddenyalike2know · 23/09/2019 18:11

Vice versa that is meant to say

funnylittlefloozie · 23/09/2019 18:18

You dont have to tell him anything about your life. Its none of his business now. Send him a text to say that you will only talk to him about the kids and then - and this is the important bit - HANG UP IF HE STARTS HASSLING YOU! Its ok to do this, he isnt your owner or your boss.

funnylittlefloozie · 23/09/2019 18:18

Oh, and have fun on Friday!

Original poster
summer151 · 23/09/2019 22:48

Thanks to all who replied with advice. I think a separate phone for him to contact kids is the best option.

OP posts:
Rachelover60 · 23/09/2019 23:53

I think he is still in love with you.

HelenUrth · 24/09/2019 00:03

Rachelover60 That's not love. Its control.
OP, stop letting him away with it. Dont engage. You could try answering any questions he asks with "Why do you ask?".
If he says he was just wondering, say "oh" and change the subject. If he says for example he wanted to know have you someone else in your life, you can remind him that it's not his business to know.
Stop answering his texts/calls so often.
From what you've said, I don't think my suggestions will have much effect though, and probably a special phone for him is the best.

justilou1 · 24/09/2019 00:19

This IS stalking if he’s calling you about your last seen. Leave that SIM card in a drawer and get another one for your phone.

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