Does anyone else literally have no one who visits their house, no family or friends?

[sweetkitty]

Don’t know where to post this but it’s been kind of getting me down recently. There’s me, DH and four DC, two teenagers and two almost teenagers. We have no family close by, a few over an hour away but they never visit, we ask to visit them but there’s always an excuse so we’re not close unfortunately. We have a few friends where we live but no one really close who would really pop by.

The DC are starting to get the same way, DC1 is perhaps the most sociable she goes out and has a boyfriend who visits, DC2 is a self confessed loner who says she has no friends and just sits in her room all the time. The other two never really do anything either. We are like our own little isolated unit. If we all got gassed one weekend I think it would be a good few days before anyone would notice. It was a lot harder when the DC we’re younger no babysitters, DH and I have never had a night out together and if one of them was ill it was tough juggling everything.

I’ve tried to make friends over the years but I seem to always be the one giving and others taking if that makes any sense?

I just find it sad.

Yes, our families live thousands of miles away and, while we have friends, no-one pops by. We do invite people here for dinner and we go out to see friends. But no-one drops by.

Pretty much. My mum visits every couple of months and that's it. Just me here. It doesn't bother me much as after a couple of terrible lodgers I'm very happy to just have my own space to myself lol.

Yes. And I like it. Family fair distance away, we all have local friends but no one ‘pops’ in, I would hate that, we always arrange to do stuff by phone/ text first. Never felt the need to be so close to people they felt they could just turn up unannounced (unless an emergency) I would feel suffocated.

Our family lives between 5 to 10 minutes away from us (my parents drive right past our street daily) no one ever stop by for a visit unless I ask them to visit or I send them a reminder of my address.
Sometimes it hurts but other times I just live my life as though no of them exist (it is easier to do that)

Do you actively try and meet new people/get the kids to meet new people? I.e. have you/the kids joined any groups or clubs? I moved 200 miles away from family and friends with the OH and no one (apart from family) comes over but I have made sure to join a running group and go out with some people from the yard to ensure I at least spend time with people other than my OH. Maybe you (and I don't want to seem rude or patronising as I am fairly antisocial myself!) need to make more effort to actively meet new peopl?

I’m the same. I’ve tried asking friends if they want to pop over for a coffee etc but nobody ever does! Occasionally go out for a coffee somewhere with someone but they never come to my house (it’s clean and reasonably tidy so no idea why not!)

Family might visit at Xmas or on the DCs birthdays for cake or dinner but that’s only a couple of times a year at most. It is a quiet life and mostly I like it, but sometimes I don’t.

Yes and I'm a single Mum to one child who has no Dad in her life or family on that side.

I have no friends, no family and literally nobody contacts me. I haven't sent a text in months

Yes and prefer it this way. Have two children with autism and harsh judgment of them and my parenting has led me to cut ties with a lot of family. The ones we do see have lovely big houses and gardens so can host us if they want to see us. We have a nice enough flat, which is my children's safe space and set up for them but it's not really conducive to hosting visitors.

We moved to a new area and had no family or friends .
I like the idea of people coming round to my home. Having a primary school child has helped as I offer to host play dates after school , one or 2 a week and after a while you get comfortable sitting and chatting with another parent when they come to pick up .
I talk to neighbours if I see in the gardens and have had coffee together only a couple of times. I pop into see one set quite often because they are so nice and welcoming but they never visit us back.
I try to organise small bbqs and invite a few local families around .
Also have a couple of single mum friends that don’t go out evenings so I invite over for weekend lunches.
It takes effort but I want to try and make up for not having extended family around. Maybe try some of these ideas ?

That's us. DW's nearest friends are 100 miles away, both our families are about the same and her best mate is north of Glasgow (we're in S England and my best mate died last year) so visitors are a pretty rare thing here.

It’s not so much the popping by it’s someone coming to visit actually giving a shit about my DC as well.

@CarolDanvers I teach severely autistic children so have some understanding albeit I give them back at 3pm everyday.

I have spent years making sure no one feels like popping by. We both love that our home is our refuge from the world. We don't want visitors. But I'm an anti social cow anyway.

Yep. I’m a single mum with no family really apart from my dad who is disabled and never leaves his house and my sister who will come about once every few months. I have no friends and although I’ve tried to make friends (I have 4 children) I’m very shy so haven’t been able to

Yep we are the same & tbh we like it this way. Currently living in the country and wouldn’t move back into a town/estate because other ppls kids felt that they could just walk in the door!

We have family but they are miles away, we go once a month to visit them. Try and look at it like a positive, unless you are very sociable and want people around a lot.

I would rather gnaw my own arm off than have people "drop by".

I do have friends (through work) but would always prefer to meet them on neutral territory e.g. cafe, restaurant.

I rarely have any visitors either. I'm NC with my mother & her family and my dad died some years ago. DP only has one DB/SiL who live a fair distance away & his parents have died too. My DD is now year11 and DS is early 20's and they go out maybe once a week. I have no friends at all - only acquaintances. I was dumped so savagely by my best friend 8 years ago that I'm completely off letting anyone else 'in' and my only two other friends both died. There is no one to visit my home.

To be honest it just doesn't bother me. I have Aspergers which I have masked very well but I give off an 'odd' vibe apparently so people never want to get to know me. My brother lives a 10 minute walk away and I see him once a year and only if I go to him. DP finds it harder (as he's gregarious) but only in that he worries that I'm lonely (I'm not) and that being on my own makes me too insular (it doesn't). I'm on 'hello, how are you?' standing with the neighbours (and left the house for the day to avoid the annual street party last month!) and successfully ran a primary school PTA for a long time so I can do the sociable stuff if required - I now choose not to and I'm starting to not mask my Aspergers either.

The downside is that when I went to a job interview last month (have been/are a carer currently) the company asked for a reference from a friend. I had to confess that I didn't have any. I didn't get the job.

Does the Amazon delivery guy count?

Same. Dh a bit antisocial and house too messy to invite anyone round. When I do invite people they start poking at what's wrong with the house and so I stop inviting them round.

Me. No friends, no family, nobody.
I don't think anyone would notice if I disappeared or died.
On MN for company.
I go to the shop to buy a newspaper just so that I speak to a human being.
I phone myself to see if my phone works.

Loads of people live without visitors these days due to moving around places, and the alienation must be dreadful for people who crave the company of others. Personally, I hate, loathe and detest guests in my house, but I was brought up in an isolated family so I suppose it is what you are accustomed to. The house is a tip due to multiple diy projects underway, and our dog gets anxious about crowds and noise. The time spent doing extra cleaning and hosting/ catering could be better spent doing something else. If you are seeking company, why not volunteer, do a course or participate in community groups?

To be fair, I volunteer at two charitable organisations but...there's no one my own age there. So it still feels kinda lonely. Applied for some shirt college courses only for one not to make the numbers and the other to be full already. And meetup just...ugh don't even get me started xD

Sometimes it feels like the world just wants us to be...well, just us.

Yes I'm the same. Im one of these ppl that gets sad no one pops by BUt if it actually happened I wouldn't like it 🙈😂

I don’t crave loads of peoples company, parties and the like maybe one or two close friends to share a bottle of wine with. Not people popping in every day but maybe someone visiting once a week would be nice for tea and a chat. Someone giving a stuff.