Wedding gift quandry

[Bighairyspiderz]

Have NC'd. I got married recently but we eloped just us two. My mother made a comment about how we'd probably not get as many presents but I told her I don't care about presents. It's nice and thoughtful but not something we're concerned about. Our wedding was simple and memorable and we eloped for various reasons.

Anyway, I just got home from honeymoon and one of my friends (who I have seen only twice this year despite her living close by) had put a card in my door. She also did the same for my birthday this year and didn't give me a present. So I'm thinking there will be no wedding gift from her and fair enough. I think she's decided to put the friendship on the back-burner somewhat and stop giving gifts.

However, her parents have given me and DH money. I'll send them a thank you card but I was going to send my friend a text anyway saying oh thanks to your parents for their generous gift, and thanks for your card too! To acknowledge both, like I'd usually do if her parents gave me something.

Now I'm feeling a bit weird and wondering if I should say anything due to potential for awkwardness.

Thank her for her card and thank parents for their gift. Don’t mention her parents gift to her.

Thanks, that's a good idea.

A thank you note to parents

A text to friend to say thanks for the card.

Really? You have to ask? Obviously don't mention her parents gift

You don't need to mention to your friend that her parents have given you something. In fact I think it would be weird to!

You need to thank her parents properly and directly.

So I'm getting the impression that you would have liked a gift from your friend is that right? She sent you a card which is lovely. No way would I have expected a gift from someone who wasn't at my wedding.

The Pps are right you need to directly thank the parents for the gift and your friend got the card.

You might also consider whether the gift was a gift sent on behalf of the family. Check the message on the gift but still thank the parents.

You know there’s no need to thank your friend for her parent’s gift. This is a dig about the lack of gift from her, isn’t it? Bad form.

The proper thing to do would be to thank her parents directly. The only reason you want to mention their gift to your friend is for you to use it as a PA dig.

I'm surprised you expected gifts from people as you eloped, and mentioning her parents gift to your friend would be a real twatty thing to do

If you thanked them both in the same card it would 100% look like you were trying to make her feel bad for not getting you a present.

Well quite clearly you thank the parents for the gift, and your friend for the card. OP it’s very obvious to everyone that you are put out she didn’t get you a gift and would like to raise it in a passive aggressive manner. Don’t. It’s twattish and ungracious. You eloped. A card is more than enough

No I'm actually not bothered about her not giving us a gift but I just wanted to know the general consensus/etiquette on what I should say, given that we usually mention when texting if either set of parents send a gift for something (as her parents did for my big birthday last year) as well as sending a thank you card or even if either of us bumped into the other's parents and had a chat we'll mention it. She's very family oriented and polite like that. Every time I've given her kids a present I get a hand written thank you note in return.

The money card was signed from my friend's parents. So I'll arrange a card for them along with others who gave us something.

I'm not very materialistic unlike my SIL who said "Oh great maybe we'll get another present for the baby!" when my brother told us he'd bumped into an acquaintance and told them he was going to become a father.

There’s nothing family orientated or polite about thanking someone for a gift from some other member of their family, op.

I didn't mean that I'd thank my friend for her parents' gift. I meant I'd acknowledge it. "Your parents gave me X, that's very kind of them" and she'd probably mention it when she phones them later. Same as she's mentioned to me in the past if my parents got her kids a gift, as well as sending them a thank you card. Anyway.

For someone who says they're not bothered about a gift you come across as being very bothered you didn't get a gift 😂

Why on earth would you not thank the person who sent you a gift? Why would you ask the person who didn't get you a gift to thank the person who did get you one? 😂😂

I just want to do things the right way. On the (now rare) occasions that we see each other she always asks after my family at some point. Other friends don't do that. She'll ask if my grandparents are well. It sounds stupid but on one occasion I was tying myself in knots after because I'd forgotten to ask after her parents in return! We've been friends since we were kids and I feel like she's slipping away and worry she will think badly of me otherwise.

I don't have her parents' mobile number to thank them. But usually I'd say "I've been doing (whatever), hope you had a good weekend. And then mention I'd received the parents gift in passing. And also send the parents a thank you card.

Why do you need her parents mobile number if you're sending them a card? 😂😂

You're clearly pissed off your friend didn't send you a present, why else have you started this thread?